Manners and Murder

They say manners are a good thing. Manners bring polish and politeness. These in turn bring amiability. And that is useful to lure good fortune and seal favours. People generally like those that possess if not inhabit manners.

But manners prevent me from the sayings the things I need to say. I cannot call you a fucking murderer. I cannot accuse you of being a slimy scum sucking ball licking piece of shit. No. Manners demand that we respectfully dance around the massive gargoyle in the room that whose upper body has crashed through the ceiling and the pieces are raining down on us. It demands that we presume a person so unworthy of humanity to have a good reputation. The more loathsome the person, the higher their presumed reputation. So even though everybody knows what you did, we have to smile and pretend it didn't happen. 1984 in 2009.

Manners demand I politely remark in the words utterly devoid of emotion of your impropriety. We can only accuse you of that when you have betrayed and ruined us and still hold our beating hearts in your hand. Manners demand a considered and reasoned reaction to your intended madness when I want to choke the living shit out of you with my bare hands. Manners forces my mouth when my fingers want to dig into the softness of your neck and rip out your spine by tearing off your head. Manners forces a handshake when my hands wants to murder your entire family in front of you while you lay dying as you have done to so thoughtlessly to many others. So the last thing you are able to comprehend as you fade is your complete annihilation. So that when you are faced with death, you will long for it. And when you finally beg for it, pray for it, long for it like a fresh love denied, I want to keep you alive. But only just enough for you to comprehend you are living death.

And maybe after that, perhaps we can use manners a smidgen more meaningfully.

Comment on Malaysia Building Society Berhad's Promo Material

I was at the Malaysia Building Society Berhad (MBSB) yesterday on some business and as I had to wait, I did what I usually do when I don't bring a book with me, stroll over to the brochures, take one each and then go back to the counter and read whatever I have. So I have put up there for you MBSB's Personal Finance - i (what's with these stupid names? Just call it what it is lah!) brochure. 

Maybe I'm warped but if you read their tag line, it seems to hint at an element of recklessness: We put the money in your wallet, and the rest is up to you. Thankfully they had enough class to leave the apostrophe out. Let's break it down here. MBSB will put money in my wallet and the rest is up to me? Great! Now I can take this loan and finally afford to get into those top class karaokes or get me that dream foursome going, or wait, wait, now I can finally get that kilo of coke that I've been scraping and saving for. It's so easy! Sheesh. What kind of pitch is this? Mind you they went with this angle of pitch probably ignorant of the backdrop of increasing bankruptcies due to credit cards. Bernama reported on 21 May 2008 the following: 

As for the number of people declared bankrupt due to credit card debts, Nor Mohamed (ed: the Second Finance Minister) said the number last year was 1,873 people compared with 1,656 in 2006 and 1,479 in 2005 and 1,397 people in 2004.

Then there's the brochure below titled "Exec-Entrepreneur" Financing - i (Pembiayaan Usahawan Muda-i). You may not be able to read what's written on it unless you download the picture and then enlarge it but I'll save you the trouble and put up what they have written in sequence:

(Yellow words) For those determine to succeed. - we make it happen. 

Their Malay translation: Untuk mereka yang mempunyai wawasan untuk berjaya.

(Black bold) This package is offered to graduates to start their own business. 

Pakej ini memberi peluang kepada graduan untuk memulakan perniagaan. 

(I won't put the translations for the ones below)

• Payment period between 2 to 7 years
• Minimum RM 5,000 - Maximum RM 50,000
• Salary deduction from employer, Biro Perkhidmatan Angkasa (BPA), post dated cheque or standing instruction
• MDTA Takaful throughout the financing period
• One guarantor or collateral is required
• Joint borrower

Let's take it from the top: 

'For those determine to succeed' 

God. You know nobody checked this. They should pull the d out of the editor's arse, turn it around and then stuff it up his arse again. Unless he likes that, of course. Then don't bother. (Sorry, just couldn't help myself. How can you not crack an arsehole or sodomy joke in Malaysia right now?! Pun intended of course!)

Then let's consider their tag line 'For those determine to succeed. - we make it happen.' But how do they do that aside form chucking money at that Usahawan Muda? Nothing. All they talk about is the terms of the loan. 

There is no value added service such as some rudimentary advice on what's available to them as a mode for starting their business - partnership, sole trader, company - private or limited, etc and some basics on the areas to keep an eye on (cash flow, regular expenses) and certain common pitfalls that afflict newcomers (selling the same thing without any added value). 

This is important since they are pitching to graduates - people who essentially just came out of school. Because really, having looked at the personal financing 'features' and compared it to this one we're discussing - there's little difference in terms of what you eventually get (the former has a higher 'financing' loan amount - RM 75,000 and lower minimum RM 3,000.00). It's like being at a restaurant where they list 50 items on the menu but they all refer to the same dish. 

I could tell you also about the MBSB Assist Personal Financing-i, which describes itself as 'an exclusive medical assistance package for UKM KESIHATAN clients/patients to assist their loved one.' but I'd be wasting both our time. The only significant difference from the "Exec-Entrepreneur" Financing - i is that the MBSB Assist option gives you a '5.5% flat profit-sharing rate' whatever the heck that is. We get 5.5% of the profit shared out amongst all of us? Profit made when? What if there's no profit? Argh. Okay, maybe I'm just dumb about this stuff. But if you get right down to it, it's just a slice of salad with the goddamned chicken. All I can say is what lousy financial products they have. Zero added value aside from loaning you money. 

Sometimes I wonder you know. Is it just me? Maybe I'm the one who's missing something here. Maybe it actually all makes sense and it's me that's out of the loop of sense, both common and uncommon. Maybe, maybe, I should take some medicine. The type that makes me feel good. Yeah! That type of medicine. Then, then this will all make sense. Or I hope so anyway...

This is OUTRAGEOUS!!!

I stumbled upon this report while browsing at Malaysiakini this morning.

It is a Monday and I thought this was a Monday morning joke. I was still reeling from the stupid traffic jam caused by the police irresponsible act of blocking motorists from entering the city for reasons only best known to them. The city dwellers are already suffering the increase in costs of living caused by the petrol hike and of course the police are not making it any easier for all of us by mounting indiscriminate roadblocks all over the place. Don’t they realise how much petrol is wasted while all the vehicles were caught in the standstill? But I suppose they wouldn’t care less.

Anyway, back to the real story. MV Augusta was bought during Dr Mahathir’s regime for 70 million Euro, which was equivalent to RM368 million or thereabout. When Dr Mahathir was gone, his blue eyed boy Tengku Mahaleel, the then CEO of Proton was also gone. Syed Zainal became CEO. And for reasons best known to only the Proton Board of Directors, MV Augusta was sold for 1 Euro. That is ONE EURO. The entire purchase price of RM368 million was then written off. Exactly how this massive writing off passed the auditor’s checking was quite beyond me. At the very least, there ought to have been a qualification by the auditors of Proton’s financial statements for that financial year for the following reasons:

· If the sale of MV Augusta for Euro 1 was seen as an ordinary and acceptable sale, than the auditors should have queried the purchase of the company at RM368 million as obviously the purchase was at an overvalue.

· If the purchase was seen as an ordinary and thus, acceptable transaction, conversely, the sale at 1 Euro would have to be looked into because quite obviously, it was a sale at a massive undervalue.

· Whatever it was, surely the sale at 1 Euro would have to be queried further as to its methodology and valuation process. Was it at arm’s length? Was it a related party transaction? Surely something which was bought at RM 368 million cannot be sold at 1 Euro without raising an eyebrow. How could there be such disparity over the purchase value and the sale value? It just does not make any sense.

Proton apparently paid RM 368 million for a 57.75% stake in MV Augusta. At the time of sale, it had a debt of Euro 107 million. For financial year ending 31.3.2006, Proton had to make provisions of RM 136.2 million for MV Augusta’s liability. In a statement, Proton was quoted as saying “in the event MV Agusta falls into bankruptcy, Proton would have been subjected to a contingent liability for an amount of up to RM923.1 million”. That was because, I believe, under Italian laws, the parent company (Proton) had to be liable for MV Augusta’s liabilities. If all these are true, surely the purchase of Proton at RM 368 million had to be questioned. What was the methodology used? How was the valuations done? Was there premium paid? Was it at arm’s length?

When the Proton’s Board decided to sell MV Agusta for a mere 1 Euro, it would of course appear that the Board did not view MV Augusta to be worth anything more than Euro 1. It would be impossible for a company to lose so much value just within a year or so of its purchase. If we take the decision to sell at Euro 1 on the face of it, than common sense would have demanded the Board to investigate into the propriety of the purchase of the company at RM 368 million. Was there an investigation done? If so, what was the result?

Under the law, Directors owe fiduciary duties to the Company on which Board they sit as Directors. These duties, among others, entail the duty to protect the assets of the Company. The law also requires the Directors to act in the best interest of the Company at all time. So, it was the duty of the Board of Directors to investigate the purchase at RM 368 million when the same Board was of the opinion that the value was only Euro 1. The duty does not stop there. After the investigation is done, it would be the duty of the Board to take action to recover the losses caused by the previous management. In this case, since the present Board thinks that the value is only 1 Euro, it must then bring action against the previous Board for squandering about RM 367 999 996.00. But that was never done despite them forming the opinion that the company was only worth Euro 1 (or about RM 4).

Now, the sage doesn’t end there. CNN on 11.7.2008 reported that MV Augusta was sold to Harley Davidson for USD 109 million !!! That would be around RM 348 million. It is unclear whether the purchase was for 100% or only 95% of the company. The purchase price includes the absorption of a debt of about USD 70 million by Harley Davidson. That means the nett purchase price was USD 39 million. Whatever it is, it was not bought for Euro 1 or thereabout.

Assuming the report is talking about the same MV Augusta which Proton bought for RM 368 million and sold for 1 Euro, somebody in Proton will, and should, pay for this colossal financial stupidity. If Proton now have a new Board of Directors, than the new Board owes a duty to the Company to launch an action against the old Board which decided to sell MV Augusta for only Euro 1. If there are now new Directors, apart from the old Directors who decided to sell for Euro 1, these new Directors then owe a duty to the Company to take such action.

What if the Board doesn’t change? In that event, no action will be taken because it would be unlikely for the Board to sue itself. Or what if the current Board doesn’t want to take action? Do not fret. Any shareholder can take action on behalf and for the benefit of the Company as a whole. That is called a derivative action. And serious questions should really be asked during Proton’s next AGM on this matter.

Because something just doesn’t seem right.

i Am BoRed...

Bala oh Bala,

kenaper engko camtu

camner aku tak camtu

aku ditimpa bala

bala oh bala

kenaper engko timper Bala

camner aku tak timpa Bala

Bala carik aku

Bala oh Bala

kenaper ko carik bala

bukan aku yang carik bala

bala yang ikut aku

bala oh bala

kenaper plak engko ikut Bala

camner aku tak ikut Bala

Bala suker panggil aku

Bala oh Bala

mengaper engko sker panggil bala

bukan aku sker panggil bala

orang panggil aku Bala

Orang oh orang

kenaper ko sker panggil Bala

camner kiter tak panggil Bala

itu dah memang namer dier

memang namer dier

memang namer dier...

Talking

As I am talking to the man. So I am talking also to the man he was, the man he wants to be, and the man he is. Most often they are in unison, in thought and deed.
But when they are asleep. Then emerges the man they cannot help but be. The man they try so much to hide. The man they cannot explain.
And sometimes I talk to him too. He is the most honest of them all.
He and me are not so different from you and I.
I told him I wished I could be more honest with myself.
He just smiled.

The Block Blues

You know you've got it when you're staring at the blinking cursor. Come on! It seems to urge you. Come on, I know you've got something in there! I bet you somewhere inside that blinking thin black vertical line there's a mocking smile tucked away. Bastard. Your fingers are poised over the keyboard, body hunched over expectantly towards the screen, your face looks as cold as ice from the bluish screen glare. You are the Robotic Writer, you imagine. Seriously. Whatever works, alright? Let's not be judgmental here. Okay, so anyway, you're Robotic Writer and Meep! you are going to write, or more precisely type. You imagine the electricity flowing through your whole body charging you up to write only to fizzle out upon hitting your brain. Total meltdown. Which means it's just you and the cursor again. And sometimes you just can't take all this intimidation dammit. I mean all this winking is absolutely distracting. This 'now here, now not here' kind of assistance is infruriating. if you're gonna be a cursor, you just stay there damn you!

Sometimes a media change my help get the creative juices flowing. Writers write, typists type, right? It will be pen and paper for me now. No more of this meancing winking and clickety clackety. So I roll out the best paper I have, maybe some of that fine off white hand made paper from Venice, and then pull out that lovely expensive Mont Blanc fountain pen to write with (if you're going to write the best, you use the best and if you use the best, it'll take care of the rest! How the hell can you argue with such impeccable logic?) Yeah, hey maybe hit the shower, wash off the old negative computer vibe thing and start a fresh with new clothes and a fresh new organic start, just like how the greats used to do it.

Longhand. Just thinking the word sent a shiver down your spine. All those pages handwritten, endless pages. When was the last time you even wrote that much? Never! You have to be mad to do it by pen and paper. You're so computer dependent that you even print your little post it notes out with the printer. (You're the only one in the office that does that, by the way). The most longhand you did was just signing daily documents. You understand of course that you is not me. You is you but me is I. Got that?

Junk that. No, what you need is inspiration. Some good chugging kind of music to get your strumming along the keyboard. You quite like Fort Minor's 'Remember the Name' because of it's urgent violins and cool backbeats. So you turn the song and volume up and then stare expectantly again, fingers poised, ready to receive the inspiration, the vindication, the passion, which you did receive. Except your fingers are tapping the table as if they were drumsticks and the table were a drum. You begin to mouth along the parts you are able to. Then you start head nodding to it. Finger pointing. And then as you close your eyes in musical ecstasy, the cursor keeps staring unwaveringly at you. Bastard.

That's the trouble with inspiration sometimes, it doesn't inspire the right stuff.

Can't help it man, you've got the block blues.

Plink, plinky, plonk, ploink. Ploonk.

The Malaysian Deejays (A narrative descent into madness)

The Malaysian radio and I have a very indifferent relationship. I only tune in during moments when I'm infected by extreme ennui. And when I do so, it is as a man who has lived in the cozy darkness of his own careful listening suddenly and violently thrown out of his warm and familiar cave into the full glare of slick neon melodies, repetitive lyrics and perfect harmonies, but worst of all, for me anyway, are the deejays. I don't hate deejays per se. Seriously, I don't. Just the Malaysian ones.

The first thing is that they talk to much. Our deejays don't just talk. They yelp, they bark, yap and flap. And the worse part is that they feel they have to do it within a very narrow band at the higher volume levels. Can they go on? Yes, they can and do. As if the music was there merely to decorate what passes for the deejays as witty and intelligent banter. Then there are those with exaggerated accents. Where do they come from? Why are they on the radios? Those fellas are like a screeches from a blackboard. Then there are those popular call in programs that are now a regular part of the show. Those are pretty much hit and miss sometimes. The problem sometimes is that our deejays talk more than the caller does. They are only too ready to sacrifice the caller for a cheap joke and hope people don't notice it for what it is.

Deejays for me are merely there to usher the music, apprise us of some interesting trivia about the song and its performer(s) then to shut up and make sure they play us good music. They are not the program. They merely embellish the song or the program. And they should do so in a calm and clear manner in a gentle and pleasant voice. Not in a cackling cacophony. They are like our air hostesses on Malaysian Airlines that make our musical journey pleasant and comfortable. They are supposed to take care of our listening habits. Ensure that we truly know what it is we are listening to and what to look out for when we listen. Not sell us out like five a dime whores to the music industry, forcing us to listen to corporate-driven compositions designed to sound good but empty of proper healthy musical ingredient like intelligent or beautiful lyrics and subtler and cleverer melodies. The music served up is as disposable and current as a freshly used condom.

Truth be told deejays are the guardians of music, the gatekeepers of the Apollo with each of us, the sentries of our musical souls. Theirs is not just any duty; it is one divinely ordained for music is the food of love, and God is Love. If seen in this light, how lightly now do our deejays look upon their duty! Hear how they soil themselves with their cheesy jarring chatter, play up their manic and artificial interest like monkeys that just snorted four six inch lines of cocaine each (think that's just four cups of strong coffee?), and bellow and laugh at their own jokes. Oh ye, Malaysian deejays! Repent! Oh repent! For Satan hath a taste for those that know not when to shut their mouths and play the music. Lucifer loveth those that bellow over the microphone like a water buffalo in heat or speak with unnecessary inflexion in their tongue. If not, off with their heads! Their heads, dammit! On a freaking pike! Argh.

(Breathe. Doctor told you to breathe.)

Hm.

(Stretches)

Wonder what's on the radio?

Click.