and the last dice is thrown...or is it?

What's the difference between politicians and women? Well, you can live without them! If you are facing a cobra and a politician, and you have a gun with one bullet, what should you do? Don't do anything. The cobra would bite the politician anyway!

Seriously, Dr Mahathir, the mother of all politicians, appeared to have thrown the last dice early this week by announcing that he was leaving the party, his life membership notwithstanding. Which brings me to a technical question. If he is (or was) a life member, how could he leave with him being still alive? Or for those of you ninkomps out there, let me put it another way. Read this slowly, real slowly. If he is (or was) a life member, which means he is (or was) a member for life, which also means as long as he is alive, he is a member, than, how could he leave the party unless he is not alive, or in other word, dead? Get it? Well I don't. I mean, I don't get the answer. I have googled "life membership" and I still don't get any answer. I had also searched "life membership" in Wikipedia and I am still non the wiser. A trip to howstuffswork.com had also yielded me with no stuff. So, I don't know. Go figure.

Than today, I read that daddy's boy, Mukhriz, had refused to leave the party. He however subscribed to daddy's position that Pak Lah should resign. Hmm...how ah? On one hand he support his father. On the other foot, he doesn't supports his father. Can ah? I mean, isn't that like, so lame. Sorry, let me repeat that question with more vigour. Isn't that like, so fucking lame? I thought he was daddy's biggest supporter, no? Or is it just about maintaining the balance ah? I mean, one fellow can now shout and scream outside the glass house while the other one fellow can throw pinggan mangkuk inside the glass house? Hmm...make sense. First, we were foisted with Mahathironomics. Now it is Mahatantrumism.

Mahathir Mohamad. What shall I write now? What does your name evoke? Well, let me say this. I see you now as a clown. A clown who has lost his place in this big and very entertaining circus. A has been. That is you, Mahathir Mohamad. The funny thing is this. You are now so fucking funny. You were not funny at all when you own the circus. In fact you were downright pathetic then. But now, after you had left the circus, you are freaking funny shit man. I fucking laugh at the very mention of your name. And when you speak, I just ROTFLMAO! Really.

So now what do you expect? Your own son is not accepting your call for members to leave the party. Are you now expecting 1 million UMNO members to leave UMNO? Fat chance mate. I think this time you have miscalculated mate. Have you not noticed that UMNO members had always come together when there is a threat, or perceived threat, from outside the party? I am disappointed if you, off all the political creatures, failed to notice that fact. I think you are going to lose this gamble joe.

Anyway, it does not escape many people that last week you made the headlines as well. The Royal Commission had implicated you in the Linggam scandal. Hmm...I put 2 and 2 together, and it sure doesn't come up with anything else but 4. Or is it just me having a fertile imagination huh?

So, if my postulation is correct, what is your next move? Let me guess. Cut your testicles? Naah...don't be silly okay. This is what you should do. First option. Get back into UMNO. Then run for UMNO Youth Deputy Chief with your son, Mukhriz, as the Chief. Why UMNO Youth you may ask. Well, UMNO Youth got keris mah...gagah la sikit like that. For Presidency, you can ask Sanusi Junid, your mate, to run. Tok Mat Rahmat (is he still alive ha?), can run for Deputy President. Something like that la.

Second option. Sue UMNO. Get it de-registered. Then form UMNO terBaru. Then you can get another life membership bearing number 001. Waddaya think? Awesome eh?

Third option. Go and mintak ampun to Anwar Ibrahim and masuk PKR. May be Anwar will form a new wing in PKR -just like Puteri UMNO in UMNO- for people like you. Perhaps it can be called Nenekanda PKR or something like that. And you can head it. Like tawdally cool man. Sorry. It should read, like tawdally kewl man. Ya. Like that.

Fourth option. Well, why don't you just shut up?

Leadership Qualities

These days everybody wants thinks they or their children need to be a leader to get ahead in life. And 'to get ahead in life' is usually measured in terms of income earning ability, not in terms of personal self development or a wide, mature and wise view of the world. If only life were so simplistic. But since people live in hope - they hope for the simplistic and so it is not uncommon to see 'leadership courses' for 10 year olds with words written inside an explosive word balloon promising 'Straight A's', 'CEO Position In the Future', 'Possible High Earnings in the Future'. They promise everything except Einstein like genius and Ron Jeremy like sexual abilities (and maybe penis) but I think they just haven't figured out how to work that angle. So you'll probably hear crap like that in 2 to 3 years (unless they get the whole penis angle going earlier).

This thinking is not just simplistic, it goes beyond, all the way deep into the realm of the stupid. Firstly, leaders need not be the smartest men or women in the room. Intelligence is not the only thing that makes a leader although a reasonable amount of this quality is important and encouraged. Hitler was not the brightest chap in the Nazi regime but he certainly was the most powerfully charismatic and psychotic of the lot, but he was a leader because he could lead. He led a nation into the second World War against other countries. He could command the confidence, minds and hearts of millions who hung on his every word like Jenna Jameson hangs on Mason's turgid and hard cock in Jenna's Playhouse.

This brings me to my next point. A leader is first and foremost someone who people tend to follow naturally or is able to command a following from people. He must have that undefinable quality of having people want to know what he thinks or does. And for that reason I think charisma to be the far greater and important quality to have as a leader. If people don't want to hear, see or be with you then there's no way you can utilize any of the other important skills as a leader such as intelligence, maturity, decisiveness, initiative and some outrageous fallibility or poor quality that always threatens to overshadow and wipe out his other good qualities in the realm of public opinion.

And this is why I think those leadership classes or seminars or little tuition groups that give leadership lessons to be full of leadershit and just a waste of time and money. You just cannot 'teach' either children or adults how to be a leader because charisma is natural. Sure you can work at it, make yourself look better, lose some weight, take elocution classes, completely slaughter the lambs at a Toastmasters dinner (hah!) and be a CEO of a company but you will never, ever have the gravitas, effect and power of natural charisma. To better explain this let's turn to the world of golf. Now there are a lot of good players out there - some with bags of natural talent and some who didn't have talent but worked very hard at it and came out on top. But none of them can match the sheer ability of Tiger Woods, God of Golf, whose natural talents alone outclass almost 70% of the field (his training eliminates the other 29%, that 1% is bad luck or bad tournament). No matter how hard you train, you will never beat him one on one when both of you are at your peak, because your peak is only half way up his peak. Puns are intended unless advised otherwise. That's how it is with natural charisma and cultured charisma, but with this difference: just because you do all those things, it does not necessarily mean that your efforts aggregate towards success.

And this is the other thing - not everybody can be a leader and I don't think everybody's supposed to be one. If everybody was a leader and busy giving orders, who's gonna do them? And leaders best quality is just that - leading people. Their other skills tend to pale into comparison with this one. So though leaders are the most visible point of focus for media and the public perception, there are others that 'make' the leader - his advisor, his lawyer, his public relations officer, etc, the waiters, waitresses, the trash collectors, right down to the janitor that keeps histoilets clean (thank you so much good sir and madam or miss! I want you to know I appreciate you!). Alexander the Great would not have been great if he did not have good and dependable generals and soldiers, in fact he would be Alexander the Dead.

Finally, J. Paul Getty in his terribly readable and interesting instruction cum biography 'How to be Rich' talks about what a leader is from a business perspective which I think to be of general application: 'The successful businessman is a leader - who solicits opinion and advice from his subordinates, but makes the final decisions, gives the orders and assumes the responsibility for whatever happens.' And this is not the kind of leadership you see much of in Malaysia. Making the decisions and taking responsibility for it. There are a lot of pretenders around here. Alot of the so called leaders you see around here take the consensus based approach to decision making.

You can guess by now that I'm the type who thinks this 'consensus based decision making' to be a lot of nonsense (this is as polite as I can be to describing just what I think about it without using a whole jizzload of four and several six and seven letter words that would make even Pedro's grandmother's blush [he's some Colombian 23 year old plumber I never met and admit I am taking improper liberties with him and especially his grandmother]). Whazzat mean? To me, how I see it is that the leader now just turns into a manifestation or mouthpiece of that collective consensus. So he is like a speaker phone, merely a conduit. And a conduit certainly cannot lead people much less find its own arsehole, so a leader who takes that kind of approach is a leader in the fake sense of the word.

If it's so obvious Mr. Daef, why do they do this? Well you snotting little piece of shit to ask, because these fakers have what all politicians always need - someone to blame. And that in politics is priceless. So since whatever cock decision was done consensus based the faker can now place blame on everybody and claim that since they were only translating the will of the majority, they cannot be at fault and therefore have to resign or sacked. Ducking the bullet they are supposed to take. That is what passes off for leadership around here these days.

And that is all I have to say about that today.

I apologise...

I know. I may have offended you. Although I have no clue why. Are you a moron? Or ultra sensitive? I thought I was just exercising my right by doing what I did. What is wrong with that? I mean, it is a symbol you know? It is a symbol of my virility. And as with any other man and his dog, it is within my right to flash it here and there. Even wave it. I mean, if I get excited, surely I have the right to do that, no? Why are you being so sensitive? Have I scared you in any way? It was so innocuous what. So harmless. Why would you be scared? I never intended to scare you what? Are you a pervert or something? I mean, who else would think like you did when I did that? Only perves would do that. You must be a perve la... I think so. You tell me. What is so wrong with me flashing it and waving it in public? Tell me la ..... I don't think there is anything wrong. That's why I did it a few times. And the people surrounding me clapped. My side kick had also done it. After me. And then they clapped some more. They were very impressed with how glistening it was. And the size and length of it all. Everybody was. In fact they all carried it for me. Such was the magnitude of it all. I was just showing how proud I was of it. As I said, it was a symbol of my virility. Why can't or shouldn't I do what I did? It was a private function some more. Ya la, it was shown live over the TV. But I did not ask them to show it live. That was their decision, not mine. I have no control over the media. But who would want to miss that kind of spectacle? You tell me.

But I am a good man. A good man with a good symbol of virility is sensitive to other people's feelings you know. I heard you did not like what I did. So I had some soul searching done. Although I did it thrice in 3 years, I searched my soul a full one a half month mind you. And after doing so, I realised that I may have offended you. I don't know whether you are or not. And if you did, I do not know why. You are probably a moron, a perve for taking what I did the wrong way, an ultra sensitive pre-menopausal woman/man/spinster/widower/divorcee/good-for-nothing self righteous Nazis or just plain difficult Neanderthals with half a pea brain! You have nothing better to do than to criticise me and my symbol of virility. In other words, you are an asshole! Anyway, I digress. Sorry.

As I was saying, there was nothing wrong in what I did. But if, just if, and that means in case la ..... just in case ..... or in the event that ..... okay ..... if, or in case or whatever, but this is hypothetical only you know, this is meant to be purely hypothetical, paham tak? Hypothetical, that's whay I say "if". Okay? So. If lah, in case lah, I had offended you by my action, which I did 3 times, and although I find nothing wrong in what I did, absolutely, and I still feel the same way now, I felt the same way when I did it, and I will feel the same way in the future, although it is like that, I am sorry okay? Okay? You okay with that? Don't be angry anymore okay? Stop sulking okay? Smile a bit. Gimme a pat on the shoulder or something. Read my lip. I am sorry. But I don't promise not to do it again you know. But hypothetically, if it is going to make you scared again, although I do not know why you should feel like that, and I think you are a moron/monkey/beruk/monyet hilang anak for feeling so, I might just not do it again la next time. If la. "IF "okay. You understand or not. "IF".

Now, if you could excuse me ...