of permits and licenses...

 

The fracas caused by the ever over-reacting Polis di Raja Malaysia during the candle light vigil at Amcorp Mall last weekend brings to light, not only the people's fundamental right to assemble - a right which is guaranteed by article 10 of the Federal Constitution - but also the complete misunderstanding of the purposes and functions of permits and licenses by the authorities.

I have said it before and I will say it again. And this time, let me type this real slowly, just in case the authorities could not read fast enough. The purpose of permits and licenses is not to prohibit but to regulate. Get it? Not to prohibit. But to regulate.

There are some businesses, for example, which, if left unregulated, might affect public order. Take the serving of alcohol. If not regulated, people would be serving alcohol at a stall in front of my gate. Drunk people might then make so much noises in front of my house in the wee hours of the morning. They might even puke on my car! Because of that, the authorities require licenses to be obtained by those who would like to serve alcohol as a business. Thus, the business of serving alcohol could be regulated. For example, they must be done in an enclosed shop. The shop must close at 1 am. Whatever.

In Amsterdam, marijuana or weeds - or grass as it is also well known for -  is legal. But the business of selling and serving weeds in that city is regulated. They can only sell and be smoked in an enclosed shop. Only people above the age of 18 can buy, sell and smoke it. As such, you don't see peddlers at some back street in Amsterdam harassing people to buy weeds. Neither do you see stone-faced weeds-smelling larger louts puking in the drain and jumping into the river at 2am in Amsterdam.

In Singapore, prostitution is regulated. The leisure women go for regular medical check-ups and carry a yellow card (or is it green, I am not too sure). And they can only ply their trade in a certain area of Singapore. That regulates the oldest profession in Singapore.

I am not, of course, advocating the legalisation of weeds or prostitution in Malaysia. I have to say this. Because otherwise people like Zulkifli Nordin would say I am a bad Muslim. I am just pointing out the role, purpose and function of permits and/or licenses. To add to it all, the authorities could also collect fees from the issuance of the permits and licenses.

Another business which is regulated is money lending. It is a fact that people borrow money. And there are also people who lend money. On purely unjust and unfair terms, that is. You borrow money, give them your land title, and if you fart more than 3 times, they would take your land and sell it! That kind of terms. But the authorities now require money lenders to obtain license. And so the business of money lending is regulated. Interest rate is regulated.  Methods of recovery is regulated.

The problem is this. In Malaysia, however, permits and licenses are not issued even if the applicants qualify for the permits or licenses. If you don't trust me, try to get a money lending license. You can't get one. Even if you satisfy all the requirements. So over here, permits and licenses are not tools of regulations but rather they are used to prohibit people from doing the business.

The result is the people who could have been  lawful money-lender now become Ah Long. They would charge 50% interest. Pain your gate red if you don't pay. Spray rabbit's blood on your windscreen if you don't pay after the red pain on your gate. Then they would shyte in front of your gate before shooting the bejeezus out of your brain with a silver bullet! That's what happen when permits and licenses are used as a prohibitory tool rather than as a regulatory tool. The people who fail to get permits and licenses would go underground.

Prostitution here goes underground. It is controlled by triads and heavenly gods! The business churns millions everyday. It is wholly unregulated. I have heard reports from NGOs of 12-13 year old girls being involved in prostitution in Chow Kitt! I don't know whether the authorities know about this and if so, what they are doing about it.

Gambling is big business in Malaysia. And not only at Genting, mind you. EPL bets go to the tune of millions every weekend. They have odds published via text messages. Manchester United versus Arsenal? How about half goal to Arsenal with a draw at half time without a goal and a full time score of 2-1 to Manchester United. Rooney will score first. Three yellow cards. No red. The referee will not get a cramp. And Wenger will lose a tooth. They bet on anything. And it is all unregulated!

So. What have all these to do with the fracas last weekend? Simple. The law provides that anybody who wants to assemble a group of more than 3 people in Malaysia, must obtain a permit. Stop here. Can you imagine? Every assembly of 3 or more people in Malaysia without a permit is in law an illegal assembly? Can you all imagine that? I mean, 3 people shyting in a KLCC toilet could, on the face of it, be arrested for an illegal assembly? Amazing!

Anyway. I was saying, every assembly must have a police permit. Otherwise it is an illegal assembly. Sounds simple? Yea...rite! Try obtaining the permit. And especially when you are wearing a free RPK black t-shirt or Repeal ISA red t-shirt, you can forget about obtaining the permit. Regardless of the fact that all you want to do is to gather, sing some songs, read some poems and burn some candles. No. You just can't get a permit.

The police chief said that they have asked the organisers to obtain a permit. Since they didn't, the vigil was illegal. That was why they had to jump on them, with baton and all,  arrested them and detained them till 3am.

When permits and licenses are used as a prohibitory tool, that is what's going to happen. People will assemble illegally. Take the Bersih and Hindraf rally last year. It was so simple for the police - who I am sure only has public order in their mind - to control the planned rally. Issue a permit. Impose a condition or conditions. Tell the organisers you all can only assemble at Dataran Merdeka. You can't move. You can have one big speaker. Can make noise but cannot exceed 150dB. You can bring banner but cannot be as big as the Malaysian flag on the biggest flag pole in Asia. And you all must wear an orange shirt with green pants. Women cannot wear pants. Things like that. Than the police can control the assembly.

But no. They didn't issue a permit. The people assembled anyway. And so water cannons were used. Batons were used. Malaysia became instantly famous. CNN. BBC. Al-Jazeera. What more with the Mydin guy crucifying the English language on international TV. Great!

What is so difficult about giving permits and imposing reasonable conditions to maintain public order? Why must permits and licenses be used to curtail a fundamental liberty instead of to regulate and ensure a peaceful exercise of it? I really don't know.

And the thing is, the exercise of the arresting power for the so-called illegal assemblies is  not even consistent. Why, for example, the police did not jump on Zulkifli Nordin and his band of Islamist yahoos when they were kicking up quite a ruckus at the Bar Council building during the conversion forum? Why were they not baton-ed or arrested? And what about the long march to the American Embassy by Khairy Jamaluddin last year? If the peace loving Malaysians carrying candle must be so forcefully treated in order to maintain public order, why were the yahoos who were shouting, screaming and acting in a very threatening manner not so arrested?

Sorry. I am just a simple minded person. Perhaps there are some reasons for the different treatment meted out to different people at a different time. Perhaps.

Just perhaps.

 

SILLY QUESTION!

Syed Hamid Albar asked Anwar Ibrahim what he (Anwar) is afraid of by refusing to give his DNA samples to the police.

"Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim should not worry about giving his DNA samples if he were interested to seek the truth behind the sodomy allegations against him, said Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar.

“DNA does not lie. Give your sample and let the expert read it,” Syed Hamid said.

He said the PKR adviser could have given the sample at the hospital in the presence of his own doctor if he was afraid of fabrication." (NST - today - 17.7.2008)

Well my friend, Malaysiakini.com also today reported that despite being arrested by 10 masked men, bundled up into a highly tinted vehicle, questioned for 5 hours, detained overnight where he was made to sleep with common criminals on the cement floor despite knowing of his back condition, Anwar Ibrahim is still not given a copy of or even shown the police report made against him by the boy whose anus was famously alleged to have been poked by Anwar. Khairy Jamaluddin seems to know a thing or two about that particular report as he seems to know beforehand that the police wanted to have Anwar's DNA samples. But neither Anwar, the accused, nor any of his family member nor his legal team know anything about it.

May I ask why? Is there such a report in the first place? Or was it a report with blank spots for the police to fill in as the "very professional investigations" are carried out?

Syed Hamid Albar. You have caused the city dwellers to suffer with traffic jam this week. You have caused some students to miss their CLP examinations this week. All because you have intelligence report that there was going to be a demonstration in KL which intelligence report turned out to be several SMS which the police had read. And now you are asking Anwar what he is afraid of? May I ask you, in relation to the police report:

Am I a moron? Or are you?

Humen Against the Mistreatment concerning Sex and Attention to their Penises (HAMSAP)

I'm sick and tired of a particular species of non-governmental organizations (NGO) in Malaysia. Now I'm not putting them down or the good work that they do - helping oppressed and abused women, providing them shelter, fighting for their rights and all that. Great stuff. I'm all for it. 

But I'm sick of them because firstly there are so many of them: All Woman's Action Organization (AWAM), Asian-Pacific Resources and Research Centre for Women (ARROW), Murni Women's Development Foundation of Kelantan (Yayasan MURNI), National Council of Women's Organizations (NCWO), Sabah Women's Action Society (SAWO), Sarawak Federation of Women's Institutes (SFWI), Sisters in Islam (SIS), Tenaganita, Women's Aid Organization (WAO) and Women's Crises Centre (WCC). And if those organizations from civil society are not sufficient to cover women's issues, don't you worry, because the government has the National Council of Women's Organizations, the National Advisory Council on the Inter-Action of Women in Development, the National Clearinghouse on Women in Development (NCWS) which is under the Prime Minister's Department, and the Secretariat for Women's Affairs (HAWA) which is also under the Prime Minister's Department. 

In all those women's organizations, there's only one male organization I found - Pink Triangle. But membership there is a little more exclusive. It's for boys that like boys and/or like dressing as girls. So while I have nothing against homosexuality (diversity is the spice of life!) and have gotten over my homophobia (this happened when I realized that gay dudes are better traveled, well read, more sophisticated, usually possess a high level of aesthetics and great conversationalists than the common heterosexual male whose idea of conversation is scratching their balls and taking about their football team), it's not my cup of tit because I like my tits in pairs and if there's any cupping to be done, it had better be me. 

What annoys me about these women's group organizations is their complete lack of creativity in coming up with cool abbreviations for their movements. I mean check it out - SAWO, SFWI, WCC - sheehs. You think they just picked out the first letters of their chosen organization name and used those. Oh wait. They did. See what I mean about lack of creativity? And when they actually make an effort to come up with something they use potent penile imagery. I mean, let's take ARROW for example. Come on. Is there even a sliver of pubic hair of vaginal imagery with that word? I think we are all agreed that a long hard shaft capped with a protruding and pointed head strongly suggests the penis. A turgid one at that. 

And this brings me to my second point - it's all about women, women, women. And if it's not about that then it's about women needing this, women needing that, that men have penises and are bad, smelly and don't shave and how if they were into pussy they would all be licking and fingering themselves without us. There's nothing about the celebration of maleness, manhood or about men's place and role in society vis-a-vis women. It's gotten to the point where men don't even know how to be men anymore because we are too busy trying to please women. 

And if all that is not bad enough, it's not as if women reward us with this greater sensitivity, greater care or thoughtfulness with regular and frequent kinky, creative, wild and noisy sex, daily deep throat blow jobs the moment we step into our castles (that's right boys, don't forget that or who's the king), and indulge our threesome fantasies. If you get even one of them, thank your lucky cock mate, cos most of us aren't getting any of those. Better yet record it on your phone and then email it around to make all of us jealous that you're banging that hottie from Cosmopoint in seven different ways using all the furniture in the room as well as the walls. Dream fucking on mate. Since women are so empowered these days, they will just pat you on the head for your concern and sensitivity and let you go watch football with your friends. If you are lucky she will watch while you wank yourself off and not start flipping a magazine before you cum in your record time of 30 seconds (you fucking loser!). 

After a thorough and vigorous anecdotal survey conducted by the staff of Navel Gazing which are legion, I have also gathered that less and less women are putting out for men. One night stands are at an all time low. Casual sex is almost unheard of. The mention of the word orgy conjures imagery of greek men having a go at one another. And there is a strange notion growing amongst the female population that sex is something only men enjoy. If you know any women who think this, they are part of a dangerous anti-sex cult and a police report should be lodged against them. So that's right men. More of us are being fucked or sucked less. If you are a man and don't know this, you are one lucky bastard (although heads up dude, it's not gonna last forever!). 

I am resolved to change this sad and terrible state of affairs (pun intended). I am therefore forming the Humen Against the Mistreatment concerning Sex and Attention to their Penises (HAMSAP) to stand up against the wanton deprivation of sex going on to the male species (and more specifically, the heterosexual male) going on in this country (pun not intended). The goal of HAMSAP is to foster, promote and encourage a society and an environment where those in either a monogamous or open relationship are able to enjoy frequent, regular and enjoyable sex. That's right, the word 'enjoyable' is significant because where the female partner reads a magazine, yawns or ask the male partner to hurry up while engaging in sexual intercourse does not amount to sex or fucking by HAMSAP guidelines. It is to foster acceptance and the practise of one night stands, orgies and kinky, wild and noisy sex for the more adventurous males of society. In time, HAMSAP hopes to train men in the art of pleasuring women i.e. eating pussy and enjoying it (that's right, it's not just tweaking the nipples like a radio and slamming the salami), so that women will be more obliging with requests for sex.

If you are male and reading this - you know what this is about. This is the penile clarion call that you have been waiting for all your sex deprived life. If you have been wondering what your life has been about and what direction it should be taking - thank your cock that you have found this posting, because you have found it. Join HAMSAP and make this world a better place. Let's get people fucking, sucking, licking and blogging all about it in their salacious and tawdry details. Because sharing is caring, just like fucking is sharing. So join us today at hamsap2008@gmail.com by telling us why you want to join HAMSAP and how long you have been deprived of sex. If we have enough members, we can even launch a political party and really start talking some cock. We will be the premier political party setting penile policy. 

Join us. 

Show them that you have the balls to stand up for your cock. 

Be a satisfied man. 

This is OUTRAGEOUS!!!

I stumbled upon this report while browsing at Malaysiakini this morning.

It is a Monday and I thought this was a Monday morning joke. I was still reeling from the stupid traffic jam caused by the police irresponsible act of blocking motorists from entering the city for reasons only best known to them. The city dwellers are already suffering the increase in costs of living caused by the petrol hike and of course the police are not making it any easier for all of us by mounting indiscriminate roadblocks all over the place. Don’t they realise how much petrol is wasted while all the vehicles were caught in the standstill? But I suppose they wouldn’t care less.

Anyway, back to the real story. MV Augusta was bought during Dr Mahathir’s regime for 70 million Euro, which was equivalent to RM368 million or thereabout. When Dr Mahathir was gone, his blue eyed boy Tengku Mahaleel, the then CEO of Proton was also gone. Syed Zainal became CEO. And for reasons best known to only the Proton Board of Directors, MV Augusta was sold for 1 Euro. That is ONE EURO. The entire purchase price of RM368 million was then written off. Exactly how this massive writing off passed the auditor’s checking was quite beyond me. At the very least, there ought to have been a qualification by the auditors of Proton’s financial statements for that financial year for the following reasons:

· If the sale of MV Augusta for Euro 1 was seen as an ordinary and acceptable sale, than the auditors should have queried the purchase of the company at RM368 million as obviously the purchase was at an overvalue.

· If the purchase was seen as an ordinary and thus, acceptable transaction, conversely, the sale at 1 Euro would have to be looked into because quite obviously, it was a sale at a massive undervalue.

· Whatever it was, surely the sale at 1 Euro would have to be queried further as to its methodology and valuation process. Was it at arm’s length? Was it a related party transaction? Surely something which was bought at RM 368 million cannot be sold at 1 Euro without raising an eyebrow. How could there be such disparity over the purchase value and the sale value? It just does not make any sense.

Proton apparently paid RM 368 million for a 57.75% stake in MV Augusta. At the time of sale, it had a debt of Euro 107 million. For financial year ending 31.3.2006, Proton had to make provisions of RM 136.2 million for MV Augusta’s liability. In a statement, Proton was quoted as saying “in the event MV Agusta falls into bankruptcy, Proton would have been subjected to a contingent liability for an amount of up to RM923.1 million”. That was because, I believe, under Italian laws, the parent company (Proton) had to be liable for MV Augusta’s liabilities. If all these are true, surely the purchase of Proton at RM 368 million had to be questioned. What was the methodology used? How was the valuations done? Was there premium paid? Was it at arm’s length?

When the Proton’s Board decided to sell MV Agusta for a mere 1 Euro, it would of course appear that the Board did not view MV Augusta to be worth anything more than Euro 1. It would be impossible for a company to lose so much value just within a year or so of its purchase. If we take the decision to sell at Euro 1 on the face of it, than common sense would have demanded the Board to investigate into the propriety of the purchase of the company at RM 368 million. Was there an investigation done? If so, what was the result?

Under the law, Directors owe fiduciary duties to the Company on which Board they sit as Directors. These duties, among others, entail the duty to protect the assets of the Company. The law also requires the Directors to act in the best interest of the Company at all time. So, it was the duty of the Board of Directors to investigate the purchase at RM 368 million when the same Board was of the opinion that the value was only Euro 1. The duty does not stop there. After the investigation is done, it would be the duty of the Board to take action to recover the losses caused by the previous management. In this case, since the present Board thinks that the value is only 1 Euro, it must then bring action against the previous Board for squandering about RM 367 999 996.00. But that was never done despite them forming the opinion that the company was only worth Euro 1 (or about RM 4).

Now, the sage doesn’t end there. CNN on 11.7.2008 reported that MV Augusta was sold to Harley Davidson for USD 109 million !!! That would be around RM 348 million. It is unclear whether the purchase was for 100% or only 95% of the company. The purchase price includes the absorption of a debt of about USD 70 million by Harley Davidson. That means the nett purchase price was USD 39 million. Whatever it is, it was not bought for Euro 1 or thereabout.

Assuming the report is talking about the same MV Augusta which Proton bought for RM 368 million and sold for 1 Euro, somebody in Proton will, and should, pay for this colossal financial stupidity. If Proton now have a new Board of Directors, than the new Board owes a duty to the Company to launch an action against the old Board which decided to sell MV Augusta for only Euro 1. If there are now new Directors, apart from the old Directors who decided to sell for Euro 1, these new Directors then owe a duty to the Company to take such action.

What if the Board doesn’t change? In that event, no action will be taken because it would be unlikely for the Board to sue itself. Or what if the current Board doesn’t want to take action? Do not fret. Any shareholder can take action on behalf and for the benefit of the Company as a whole. That is called a derivative action. And serious questions should really be asked during Proton’s next AGM on this matter.

Because something just doesn’t seem right.

warning: cheapskate crossing!

I mean, wtf? One of the richest man in Malaysia. Owned an airline. A cheap flight airline, albeit. Owned a hotel line. And yet he enjoys 75% discount on economy seats and 50% discount on business and first class seats from MAS. Like, duh? Fucking cheapskate!

What? Just because he runs a cheap-flight-no-frill airlines, he would be entitled to cheap flights from other airlines also, is it? What about me? I don't get finking discount from MAS. Why? Because I don't look like a cheapskate in my jeans and a fucking red cap, is it? Fuck you!

And to the shithead in MAS who granted this character Tuney Fernandez the privilege of these discounts, are you out of your blinking mind? You should be tied up to a kitchen table, stretched, disemboweled and quartered! You fucking moron. Discounts should be granted to poor people. Not rich people. They don't need it. Grasp the concept please.

What is wrong with Malaysia? And I thought only Singaporean are kiasu.

Royal Commissions

Mahathir Mohamad is at it again. He is obviously miffed to the bones at being singled out by the Royal Commission for his involvement in the Fix-a-Judge scandal. And so in true Mahathir fashion, he is now vomiting blood over the Royal Commission report, which in more ways than he could ever care to imagine, implicates him. Just check out his blog.

Of course, Mahathir Mohamad would not be Mahathir Mohamad if he is not sarcastic, sharp tongued and downright nonsensical. Why don't he just say what he actually wants to say, namely, he doesn't like Abdullah Badawi and his government for whatever reason, although I am sure the reasons have nothing to do with our nation's welfare or the people's interests. Why don't he just say that he thinks the Royal Commission was established by the present administration to smear his name. Or does he think that by saying such thing people might think he is paranoid? But then again, people who are afraid of their own shadows normally has very long shadows indeed. And this long and tall shadows (remember what Robert Plant say in Stairway To Heaven? - our shadows are taller than our soul!) follow these people everywhere, especially when these people are old and left counting the remaining days in which they could still afford to breath and smell the flowers and fruits of what they had so earnestly sewed in their earlier days.

What motivates Mahathir Mohamad, I often ask myself. Is he really fighting for the nation? For the people? Or is it just a case of a retiree who finds it hard to accept that he is now irrelevant, impertinent and almost impotent, in terms of the probative value of whatever he says or opines? Or does he have an axe to grind or an interest or interests to protect? Or is he fearful of the possibility of Anwar Ibrahim taking over the administration due to the weaknesses, perceived or real, of the present administration?

Whatever may be the cause and motivation of his actions, it is obvious that he has now gone completely bonkers! Reading his blogs, one would suspect that he is full of venom, raving and ranting at all things which have gone awfully against his hopes and wishes, just like some Philistines who had lost their plots of land to some Israelites. His blogs are only as good as some comical relief on a cold Monday morning, if ever Mondays could get that cold in Malaysia. They are incoherent, full of spats and spasms of personal vengeance masked as some neo-political-sociological statements which are in fact so Mahathiresque one should not even bother to waste one's precious tiny brain cell to read them, other than for the purpose of demeaning them in one's own blog! For, if ever there was one man who is so not credible, whose opinions are not worth the tiny little liquid crystal in the monitor on which they appear, Mahathir Mohamad is it. IT!

He is clutching whatever last straw he has in his possession. He went to Johor Bharu and then to Japan to stoke up racial sentiments. He appeared in BBC to maximise exposure of how blinkered a totalitarian could be and ended up raving and ranting about how the west has mistreated the east and how he, the father of all that is good, was only doing what was good for the country and her people. Well, in my eyes, Mahathir Mohamad, you are not worth the shit that I shyte every morning! And I am not sorry for saying that even if you are offended!

Now, you are asking, in your usual sarcastic style, for Royal Commissions be established to investigate on several matters involving the PM and his son in law. Well Mahathir Mohamad, while you are at it, why don't you ask for the establishment of Royal Commissions to investigate on the following matters:-

• the termination of judicial powers of the court through a constitutional amendment done by your government which renders our judiciary a meek and lame pussy cat;
• the termination of the powers of the Rulers and the Yang Di Pertuan Agong, also through a constitutional amendment done by your government ;
• the Proton debacle : a company which was set up to produce our own cars cheaply with our own technology which was supposed to be transferred from Mitsubishi to Proton, a venture which has obviously failed miserably and spectacularly;
• the Perwaja debacle;
• the IPP debacle : how could licences be given to a group of people to produce power from whom TNB was and still is forced to purchase at a price higher than normal while the IPPs enjoyed a subsidised rate for gas supplied by Petronas;
• the highway debacle : how highways concessions were given to some companies which make hundred of millions every year from collected tolls with government's allowance for almost yearly increment in tolls;
• the Perkapalan/MISC/Petronas debacle : ask your son on this;
• the Putrajaya debacle;
• the MSC debacle;
• the Memali debacle where tens of poor helpless old folks were killed by trained and heavily armed policemen;
• the MAS/Tajuddin Ramli debacle;
• the Amin Shah army boats debacle;
• the Muhammad Muhammad Taib debacle;
• the Anwar Ibrahim debacle;
• the Pulau Batu Putih debacle;
• the Operasi Lalang debacle;
• the AP debacle;
• the FOREX debacle;
  

There are a lot more matters which necessitate investigation actually. But I have run out of time. And patience. I could now feel the warmth of my blood through my veins, up to my brains, which normally, precipitates a serious migraine. Oh Mahathir Mohamad, why were you born so beautiful?

'cuse me, but I just don't freckin' get it - part 3

 

 

Mercedes CLS. "....a 'four door coupe,' the CLS recalls the fastback saloon designs of Robert Opron in the 1970s....the CLS-class was produced to combine the "strong, emotive charisma" of a coupe with the "comfort and practicality" of a saloon. Save for its four-door design, the CLS's design tends towards a coupe, as its sleek body reduces the rear passenger room to a 2+2 arrangement...." So says the blurp.

'Scuse me, 4 door coupe? Like what the fuck? From the litlle I know about the word "coupe", it means a short carriage with a seat for 2  at the back and 1 seat for the driver.  Translate that to a modern auto world lingo, "coupe" would mean a car with 2 doors which could accommodate 2 persons and which is a smaller version of the same model in saloon form. Not some behemoth 4 door saloon with sporty curves to disguise it's grotesque monstrosity, size and vanity wise, which could probably  take 7 passengers and the whole kitchen! Stupid Germans!

"...produced to combine the "strong, emotive charisma" of a coupe with the "comfort and practicality" of a saloon..." Sorry, I puke on your forehead, you meisterbullshyter! Like, what's the big idea? If somebody wants a saloon, he would go and buy a saloon. Likewise, if he (or she - just in case some female says I am a chauvinist, which I am not, you bitch!) wants a coupe, he or she, would just go and buy a coupe. Why would anybody want to buy a half coupe and half saloon combined together? Tell me. WHY? Why would anybody want to mess around and blend a saloon together with a coupe and buy a freaking behemoth called a "coupe with the "comfort and practicality" of a saloon", to borrow your own meaningless words? To have the best of both worlds huh? How could one have the best of a coupe (or saloon) if only half of the coupe (and saloon) is present in that car? That means I only have half coupe and half saloon. How could I then have the best of both a coupe and saloon? You fuckin' moron! I tell you, people who want the "best of both worlds" are the people who go for this kind of thing! Yes, this car speaks for itself!

By the way, you Germans, haven't you heard of GT? Yes. GT. No, not Gesunt heit. GT for Grand Touring, or Grand Tourer.  It is auto lingo for sports car which could accommodate a 2+2 siting arrangement and comfortable enough to be driven on a long journey. You know? So, a GT is a better bet if one wants a big sporty car which could take on 4 persons on a long journey. If one wants it to go fast as well, well, one could opt for a GTR, or in case you dumb assed don't know, Grand Tourer Racing. Which means the car is a GT and it runs very fast too, like it is a racing car. GT or GTR. Not a half coupe half saloon thingy.  Stupid Germans! Monkeys!

Ooh...wait...wait...look at this. " The lineup starts with the CLS550. It's equipped with a 5.5-liter V8 developing 382 horsepower and 391 pound-feet of torque. The CLS63 AMG has a 6.2-liter V8 that makes 507 hp and 465 lb-ft...Mercedes says the CLS63 AMG needs only 4.5 seconds to hit 60 mph." Huh? 507 horse power for a half coupe half saloon? Are you all Germans out of your mind? Picture this. The boss is at the back of the car, and he suddenly tells the driver "Muthu, accelerate to 60mph in 4.5 seconds please". Like duh? Why would a half coupe half saloon need that kind of power? Is it going to be driven on the track ah, this car? Is this car going to take part in a drag race? Or fancy driving it at 260kph on the highway? Someone with the money to buy this car would of course have the money to buy a proper, and very fast, sports car. Why would he buy this piece of crap?

German crap!

Things people say which really, they shouldn't say, coz they mean absolutely nothing!

1. First on this list is the oft repeated/used phrase: I apologise if I had offended you; I apologise for all inconvenience caused; I apologise for being correct but you cannot appreciate that I am correct and you are offended because of your inability to do so and therefore you are a moron and so I apologise for your feeling so as I now know that you are a moron...or any phrase to that effect.

I have written about this here. And so I am not going to say more. Except for saying that politicians, stupid morons who think others are as moronic as themselves and lobotomised monkeys are so fond of this useless, insulting, meaningless and totally irritating phrase. To those who is fond of saying this phrase, let me say this. You are a fucking moron! If you are offended, well, I am sorry.

2. Second on this list is: I know that this is the very thing she/he would want me to do if she/he is alive; If she/he is alive, she/he would do this very thing which I am about to do now; She/he wouldn't have done it any differently had she/he been alive or phrases to this effect. You know la what I mean.

Hello? You are quite a piece of work aren't you? Fucking bullshit! He/she is as fucking dead as a door knob you idiot! How would you know that? Duh! Some months ago, the British icons of squeaky clean living and mother's boy, Prince Harry and Prince Williams, decided to have a big bash. They had no tangible reasons for wanting to do that. So they said they knew their mother, the dead Lady Diana, would want her to be remembered on the anniversary of her death, in a big party. Yeah rite....they knew. And how old were they when their mother got bumped off the airbags in that dreadful Mercedes (Mercedes is a stupid car, by the way!) driven by that drunk Brits? Yo! If you want to do something, just do it. Don't say you are doing it because some dead people had wanted you to do it. Idiots.

3. Third on the list: If I could turn back the clock , I would or wouldn't put his/her head in that crocodile's mouth at the zoo. Well, you get what I mean.

Awesome! This phrase is just awesome in its uselessness, meaninglessness and irritatingness. Unless I have been so out of tune with scientific reality, which I think I have not - and you are an idiot if you think so, and I am sorry if you are offended by that last remark, tho' I think you are a klumptz for feeling so - the last time I read my science book, I notice that yes, you can of course turn your clock backward (if it is an analogue clock, as opposed to a digital one, coz it is not possible to "turn" a digital clock back!), but it is not possible to go back in time. Yes, it is impossible for you to travel back in time. And that is notwithstanding you having turned your clock (analogue, mind you, not digital - please read the preceding sentence). No. You just can't go back in time. Losers, sentimentalist (please emphasise the "MENTAL" part when you read the word "sentiMENTAList"), hopeless nothing-better-to-do romantics, guilt ridden virgin killers and politicians who have just lost their seats love this utterly stupid phrase. What an arse! Really.

4. Fourth on this list is this utterly self-serving -confident-for-no-reason-other-than-to- declare-one's-arrogance phrase, namely, "If I were to relive my life, I wouldn't have changed it a bit" or "I would have done the same thing all over again" or "I would have lived my life in exactly the same way as I don't have any regret" bla bla bla ...

Yea rite! Bullshit of the year! Why, you mean you would relive your life all over again in exactly the same way? Including the time you were caught wanking at the back of the classroom by the very teacher who was the object of your self-relief? And you are saying you would have betted for Liverpool to win the Premier League in 2000/2001/2003/2004/2005/2006/2007 and 2008 all over again? And what about the night you puked on your girlfriend's boobs while trying to shag her after a party at Hard Rock? Or the time your mate kicked the beejeezus out of your teeth while you dived head on for a flying header during the football practice? You would relive them all over again? You are either an idiot or a liar. Or both.

By the way, it is impossible for you to relive your live. Please see number 3 above. Bullshit!

5. Fifth on the list is favoured by people who can't really understand English, simple minded people and stupid people, which come to think of it, are the same bunch of people. The phrase sounds like this: "I wouldn't do that if I were you..."

Well stupid, you are not me. And I am not you. I did what I did because I wasn't and will not be you. Also because you weren't and will not be me. Ever. If I were you - on the assumption that that is possible in the first place, which I think is not (but then again, you might know something which I don't know, because I am not you and you are not me) - than of course, I would not do that thing which I did, because you obviously would not do that thing which I did when I was myself and not you. Get it? But the phrase which you had just uttered, well, I wouldn't have uttered it if I were you, because it does not make any sense. You know why? Because if you were me, you would become me and you would act my way, because you had become me. So, if you had become me, then surely you would have done the very same thing which I had done, because you are now me and not yourself. The correct phrase is therefore, "I would have done the same thing you had done if I were you". Correct? Well, if you did not understand, it is truly understandable, because you are not me. If you were me, you would have understood it. That is because I am the one who had thought of it and written it. And since you are now me, you would have understood it. But of course, you are not me. Not before. Not now. So, perhaps that is why you did not and do not and will not understand it. Get it? Moron!

6. This is interesting. "I wouldn't have missed this for the world!"

Really? You mean you wouldn't have missed this funeral of your boss' father for the world? Even for Scarlet Johansen waiting for you in a tight leather pants with red bra and panties together with Jessica Alba who coincidentally is tagged along by Rhihanna? You wouldn't have missed it. Would you? Well, if I were you, I probably wouldn't too. But I tell you what. If you were me, you would have given it a miss. Even if it was my own funeral. You twerp!

7. This is favoured by UMNO leaders. "I would contest if the members want me to do so."

Well well well. Bro, if you had wanted to contest, say so la. I WANT TO CONTEST. Because I had always wanted to be the Prime Minister. I don't care what you all think. All I know is that I want to contest. Because I think I was born to contest this post. And I tell you what. I am good. I will be a really good leader. Well, at least, I would be a better leader than the current one. So, all you stupid people, this is your chance. Nominate me. Now. If I were you, I would do so now. And if you were me, you would also do so now.

This is the most faggotsy-flimsy-no-balls-non-committal phrase which is ever so popular among UMNO leaders come party election year. They are afraid to make a commitment, because they might not get enough nomination later. So, they utter this utterly useless no balls phrase. So that if they had enough nomination, they could say it's not me who want to contest against the incumbent, it's the people who want me to do so. And who am I to deny the people rite? If only they could just take the bull by its horn and go for it. Show some balls. Faggots!

as yet untitled...

Islamisation in Malaysia is typified by the Iranian approach to drinking beers. We want to drink beers but beers contain alcohol. So we have non-alcoholic beers. That's it. The Islamisation of beers!

Last week, no less than the Institute of Islamic Understanding (Institiut Kefahaman Islam Malaysia or IKIM in short) had a brainstorming session. You know, sometimes these people would converge and talk about how big their LCD televisions are and how many horse power their office air conditioners have. And they would make nice glossy posters and call their meeting a conference, seminar, summit or whatever. Like the one in Perak previously where the ulamaks met and decreed that it was wrong for Muslims to celebrate non-Muslims festivities. Yes. That kinda thing. And so, IKIM had a conference last week.

And so what did they discuss? I mean apart from the size of their LCD sets and stuffs. Well, there's a hell lot they could have discussed and resolved on. The killing of the Muslims in Sudan. The suicide bombings in Pakistan by seemingly young and powerless Muslims. Maybe they could issue an edict on what really constitutes martyrdom in Islam. The Islamisation of the banking industry in Malaysia and the entire world. They could look into the various loan transactions being done by the banks under the Islamic loan banner and determine whether those loans are really Islamic in nature or are they just normal commercial loans with interests disguised and hidden as profits which are allowed by Islam. Or what about the independence of Kosovo? Yea, Kosovo after all is a country full of Muslims. The Muslims there were subject to genocide not a long time ago. And now they have declared independence, albeit unilaterally. The USofA has supported the independent declaration for whatever reason. Indonesia, the most populous Muslim country has objected, also for whatever reason. Malaysia has kept quiet -not for whatever reason- probably because nobody within our leadership, especially our PM, has noticed the significance of that event. What was even more astonishing is the fact that the Organisation Of Islamic Countries, of which our PM is the Chairman, did not even move a finger to support the Kosovo independence! As to what actually the OIC is interested in, nobody would ever know. Non alcoholic beers, may be. Elsewhere, Muslims continue to be outcast by westerners. Islam, the religion of peace and harmony, is now viewed by westerners, especially, - wrongly but somehow almost justifiably - as a religion which is anti-women, supports extremism and terrorism, promotes suicide bombings, primitive, medieval, intolerant of other religions, racist and anything but good. What could be done to put right this misconception? What could be done to tell the world that Islam is a religion which promotes harmony and peace. That Islam respects other religions. That Christians and the Old Testament followers are in fact "people of the books" who share the same origin as that of the Muslims. What could be done to promote a healthier and more acceptable views of Islam in the whole world especially. Hell, what could be done to promote Islam as a peace loving and tolerant religion in Malaysia? Haven't we realised that inter religious relations in Malaysia is at an all time low? What can be done?

And so IKIM met. I mean they conferred. The top guns of the Malaysian Muslims met and conferred. I would at least expect them to tackle the inter religious issues in Malaysia if not the world. I mean, these are the top guns we are talking about, no? Yeah. The met. They conferred. So, what did they talk about? KHALWAT! That was what they talked and make loud noise about! Awesome! Like totally awesome! Now they want the khalwators to be punished by strokes of the rotans. And not only that, the non-Muslims khalwatees must also be punished in the civil courts! That's what the wanted. How could a non-Muslim, who is doing nothing wrong under his or her religion, be punished just escaped their teeny weeny mind! Oh not only that. The also want beer drinkers to be get strokes of the rotan as well. Great! Cane them all. Just imagine. The gliterratis of the Malaysian Muslims met, conferred and came out with this. IKIM. Institiut Kefahaman Islam Malaysia or the Institute of Islamic UNDERSTANDING. Wonderful. Brilliant. I am sure, after the conference last week, many non-Muslims in Malaysia and the world at large, have now understood Islam better and are all to ready to embrace Islam or be more tolerant to Muslim ideas. Thank you IKIM.

I tell you what IKIM. I am going to Islamise a piglet for you. I am going to buy a piglet. Make it wear a green robe and grow beards. Then I am going to put a ketayap on its head. What do you think?

Meanwhile, the PM is still struggling with his cabinet. Not the one in the Sri Perdana's kitchen. I mean, the Malaysian cabinet! Bloody hell. This guy. He dropped Rafidah Aziz and then realised that the Wanita UMNO does not have a minister. So at the last minute he appointed Shahrizat as a special adviser with ministerial powers. That is like appointing another minister la Pak Lah! Then some of the deputy ministers rejected their appointments. And some who accepted later resigned. What the hell is happening la? And today it is reported that Sabah and Sarawak are now happy that the PM says they will get more people in the cabinet as Ministers. Jeez. You blinking klumptzoid!

I want to ask the PM. Do you read? Do you know the very purpose of the parliament and the government? If I may quote Edmund Birke. He says:

Parliament is not a congress of ambassadors from different and hostile interests, which interests each must maintain, as an agent and advocate, against other agents and advocates; but Parliament is a deliberative assembly of one nation, with one interest, that of the whole-where not local purposes, not local prejudices, ought to guide, but the general good, resulting from the general reason of the whole. (as quoted in Birch 1972, page 39)

You see Mr Prime Minister, the Parliament, and a fortiori, your cabinet, is supposed to work for the country as a whole. It is not a place where interests, whether based on geographical localities, or religions, or races, or whatever, are supposed to be represented and protected. It is supposed to represent the whole country. The whole people. Race and religion regardless! So, I don't for the life of me understand why it is so difficult for you to appoint people to be in your cabinet. It is not a matter of whether there should be a Wanita UMNO gal in your cabinet, or Puteri UMNO, or a guy from Sabah or Sarawak in your cabinet. Just select the best people. I mean, if all the best people who could propel this nation towards greatness happen to be in Perlis, then appoint them la. What is so freaking difficult? The problem is that you, and BN, all these while, are blinkered in this power sharing thing. You and your ilk seem to think that power sharing means that the ministerial powers are supposed to be shared by people from the parties within the BN. That would mean, if a party within the BN consists of klumptzoits, than you have no choice but to appoint a klumptzoit as a minister, just to suit your "power sharing" agenda. The country as a whole can be damned! Now, that is just not on! That is plain stupid. And unfair to the people. But then again, what do you all care about the people and their ideals? If you all care about the people, then your Minister, like Azalina, would not be canceling tourism contracts in the 5 states which are controlled by the opposition parties. God, that is so shallow.

So, what is next? Non alcoholic beers at UMNO general assembly?

If I Were You, Minister Zaid ...

“As virtue is the business of all men, the first principles of it are written in their hearts, in characters so legible, that no man can pretend ignorance of them, or of his obligation to practice them.” : Thomas Reid

DrM is notably going around nowadays to push for independence of judiciary, abolishment of the 30% nomination rule in the UMNO constitution and greater accountability in the government. He is even espousing the role of the Rulers under the Constitution in particular respecting their functions in appointing Menteris Besar. Hell, he is even questioning cronyism and nepotism nowadays.

Frankly, I don’t give two freaking hoots about what that old man says. He is plain NOT CREDIBLE to me. He is not credible because of at least two factors. Firstly, his real intention(s) for his sudden love affair with real democracy is not known. Is he really pushing for all those things as part of societal and governmental reforms or because of some other agendas? Is he honest and sincere in his push for reform or is it just because it suits him to do so nowadays? Is it just political expediency? Or is he just pissed off when the present administration cancelled many of his pet projects thereby affecting him and/or his cronies? I really don’t know. But after 22 years of his totalitarianism approach, I am not willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I have had enough of him.

Secondly, he is not credible because he had just done exactly the opposite of what he is saying now when he was in power. He was the one who molested, raped and sodomised the judiciary. He was the one who clipped the Rulers via a constitutional amendment in the 80’s (if I am not mistaken). Listening and being gentle to the people? Well, he was the PM when Ibrahim Libya together with about 10 villagers – old women included – were shot by combat police. He later claimed that he was abroad while that happened! And remember Operasi Lalang? The nerve of it all!! Allowing dissenting views and opposition? Huh? What’s that? He was the one who amended the UMNO constitution requiring any potential challenger to have nomination by at least 30% of the divisions after the 1988 UMNO “black Friday”! Not only that, he also changed the constitution to say that for every nomination the challenger gets, the incumbent would get 10 automatic “free” votes. What a klumptz! You can challenge Mao Tze Tong in the Chinese Communist Party more easily! And what did he do to Anwar Ibrahim? There is no love lost between me and Anwar Ibrahim as I don’t trust the guy a tiny wee bit. But what happened to him was unacceptable by any standard. Independent judiciary? I would not even waste my time writing about what had happened. Correct? More transparency and accountability to combat nepotism, cronyism and corruption? What about the one sided IPP contracts? Or Renong and UEM? Or the Perkapalan/MISC/Petronas deal? What about the toll roads and highways? What about that great white elephant they call Putrajaya and MSC? The Forex losses? The BBMB saga? The Proton deals? Gosh…DrM, have you forgotten all these? I have not. And I am sure fellow Malaysians have not too.

And now DrM is shouting and screaming about those very things he was responsible for as a PM. Why? What is his motivation? What motivates him to suddenly don this social justice cape and trail blazing his way towards reforms? Truthfully, I just wish he would keep quiet and enjoy whatever remaining days he has in his bakery or whatever while reminiscing about the good old days he had. I just wish he lives long enough though. Long enough to see and observe in silence consternation at the crumbling of his burlesque – not to mention, grotesque - empire (thank you Bob Dylan, for that album, Empire Burlesque).

Zaid Ibrahim. Good for you. You are now the Minister in the PM’s Department in charge of the law. And your first call is to propose that the government apologises to Tun Salleh Abas. I applaud your intention although deep down inside I know that it is just the not-so-great- BN or UMNO spinning machine rotating in full blast. Let me say this firstly. Tun Salleh Abas is not the victim! He started the judicial rot by his decision in UEM v Lim Kit Siang. But I will save that for another occasion.

Apologising to Tun Salleh Abas and the other 5 Judges would be an act mired in shallow and simple mindedness. The judiciary has been raped! The victim is the judiciary. And the ultimate stakeholders of the judiciary is THE PEOPLE OF MALAYSIA. WE ARE THE VICTIM. Tun Salleh Abas and the other Judges were just occupant of the seats. Fine. Apologise to them. But the party who really suffered all these while and till this day is the people. Apologise to the people too!

Assuming your move is correct, may I also remind you – just as DrM and some other parties have reminded you – that you once supported the tribunal and the sacking of the Judges. In light of that, you also suffer from the same fate and judgement as that of DrM. That is you lack credibility. And your proposal therefore reeks of, again, political expediency.

You tried to explain your position in answer to the remarks made by DrM. But your approach is, with respect, wrong. You tried spinning it by saying that you supported the proceedings but not the sacking. Well, Minister Zaid, the people are tired of the BN spinning machine. It is another matter if you spin it well but a bad spin would just make you fall flat on your face. Isn’t the sacking a result of the proceedings? Wasn’t it (the sacking) the ultimate purpose of the proceedings? How could you therefore divorce yourself from the result – the very fruit – of the proceedings if you had admittedly supported the proceedings? You asked the whole Bar Council to resign because they were against the proceedings? Why didn’t you then blast the tribunal for making their recommendation to sack Tun Salleh Abas if you had so disapproved the sacking?

If I were you, it would be just so simple. I would go on national television. After all, the national television are all pro BN. I would refer to all my statements made in 1988 supporting the tribunal and the sacking and whatever. Then I would say I had wise up since then. I have wise up after I had seen the debilitating effect of the molestation of the judiciary. I would say I have wise up after I have seen the state of our judiciary ever since. I now realise my folly. I was wrong in my support for the government in that respect then. I have learnt my lesson. The judiciary is an integral part of a just and fair society and administration. And after having seen the wrong that has been done all these while, I am now possessed with the mandate to correct the situation and put it right. I want to try to do so. Give me a chance. It comes from the bottom of my heart.

If I were you Minister Zaid, I would do that. I would do that because I am a decent man who is not afraid to admit that I was once wrong. Because I am a man who is not afraid to make mistake and admit that it was a mistake. Because I am a man who learns from his mistake and would do anything to correct it.

Yes. I would do that. If I were you!

Art Harun

2/4/08

talking cock!

Monday February 18, 2008

Khir advises Indians to be self-reliant
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/2/18/nation/20363075&sec=nation

BANTING: The Indian community has been advised by Selangor Mentri
Besar Datuk Seri Dr Mohd Khir Toyo to be self-reliant in order to
improve their lot.

He said they should find ways to lift their economic status through
hard work instead of expecting handouts.

"The only way you can change your lives is by your own efforts and not
through others," said Dr Khir in his address at a special programme
organised by the Selangor Vanniar Welfare Association's youth wing.

The programme, entitled The Future of Vanniar Youths under the Barisan
Nasional Government, at the Kuala Langat Industrial Training Institute
near here, was organised to reaffirm the organisation's loyalty to the
ruling coalition.

Dr Khir also congratulated the association's youth for being level
headed and not allowing their emotions to dictate their judgments and
actions.

He also narrated to the youths how he had to go from mosque to mosque
for donations to pay his SPM fees during his younger days.

Dr Khir added that this, coupled with the fact that he came from a
poor family which did not even "have enough to eat", had almost made
him shun mainstream society.

Dr Khir urged Indian youths to prevent themselves from being cut off
from mainstream society when faced with trials and tribulations.

He urged them to instead find ways and solutions to overcome their problems.

"The Selangor Government has done its part to help by allocating seats
for Indian youths who had not done well in school to undergo
industrial training," he said.

Hmmm...nice one Khir Toyo. Very nice. Now, why don't you go and tell the Malays to be self reliant. No. Don't tell the Malays in the kampungs, the farmers, padi planters, rubber tappers. They are already self reliant in case you have not noticed. GO AND FREAKING TELL ALL THE MALAY BUSINESSMEN WITH BIG PLANS, BIG CARS, BIG BANK ACCOUNTS, BIG EGO ETC TO BE SELF RELIANT!!! Go la...now. And don't you give me that stupid sob stories of you having to go from mosque to mosque for donations to pay your SPM fees. In the first place, you WERE NOT self reliant. Otherwise you wouldn't have done so. So you are not fit to give the advise that you had so readily given. Secondly, it is not you ALONE who have to do so my dear Menteri Besar with the glowing red cheek and nice luscious lips (can I kiss your lips?). Many people have to do that. Why? Because the government has failed. That's why!

Self reliant indeed! Do you know what it means in the first place? Self reliant my fucking ass!

a letter to the NST editor

Dear Editor,

I note in the past that your newspaper has been absolute in its support of the Prime Minister’s call for the acceptance and practice of Islam Hadhari as a way of life. Indeed your newspaper has been a staunch propagator of Islam Hadhari as it consists of principles “that have been devised to empower Muslims to face the global challenges of today” (to cite the Prime Minister’s Office website).

Among others, the concept of Islam Hadhari, aims to achieve the followings:

· Faith and piety in Allah
· A free and independent People
· Mastery of knowledge
· A good quality of life
· Cultural and moral integrity

Your efforts in propagating Islam Hadhari must indeed be lauded. The Prime Minister has been wise to advocate this concept and I have no doubt that a civil society, progressive in its thoughts and ways of life, would be within our reach if Islam Hadhari is fully practiced. The above elements are the pillars of a good society. And I am glad that you have taken it upon yourself to promote and propagate the concept of Islam Hadhari for the betterment of all of us, Malaysians.

Thus it came as a great disappointment when I read your report titled “Illegal gathering causes traffic chaos in city” appearing in your edition on 11.11.2007.

Your report started with a thoroughly incomplete statement that “a crowd of about 4000” gathered for an illegal march close to Dataran Merdeka. It ended with a rather innocuous sounding statement that “many of the protesters, who wore yellow T-shirts and bandannas, later gathered outside Istana Negara and some opposition leaders handed over a memorandum to palace officials.”

If you maintain that the said report is accurate, I would accuse you of not being diligent! A cursory look at various websites on the internet and viewing visual reports by Aljazeera and the BBC reveal an obvious flaw in your reporting, which borders on deceit and misrepresentation of facts, in your said report. There were, as reported by alternative and foreign medias, between 30000-40000 people who took part in the so called illegal march. Photographs depicting the true number of people participating in this illegal gathering are splashed on the internet and could be seen by the whole world. I am just shocked at the lack of journalistic etiquette displayed by you concerning the report.

If the purpose of your report was to belittle the resolve of those who took part in the gathering by downplaying the size of the gathering and in the same breath hoodwinking the Malaysian public through your misrepresentation of facts and clever (not so clever, actually) painting of events, then I must say your practice as such runs absolutely repugnant to the concept of Islam Hadhari which you had, to this date, so readily embraced and propagated. I urge you to read your report again and ask yourself:

· Where is the faith and piety in Allah?
· Is your report as such conducive for the establishment of a free and independent people?
· Can knowledge be mastered by the people if you continue with such practice in the future?
· Is good quality of life attainable without a truthful and responsible mass media?
· What cultural and moral integrity are you talking about or have you redefined
”integrity”?

In fact, your action in shaping the thoughts and perceptions of the masses through your great spinning machines is an obvious attempt to create a one dimensional society as opposed to a progressive and lively society aimed by the concept of Islam Hadhari. It has come to a stage where the mainstream views, such as yours, are the only views that matter and which are correct. Opposite views are non-mainstream and are therefore not correct and are to be disbelieved and ignored, if not despised and banished. Was it not Marcuse, in his work “One Dimensional Man”, who so correctly lamented that under the conditions of a mass society, “the multi-dimensional dynamic by which the individual attained and maintained his own balance between autonomy and heteronomy, freedom and repression, pleasure and pain, has given way to a one-dimensional static identification of the individual with the others and with the administered reality principle”? Tell me, are you trying to do that which Marcuse had foreseen? Are you propagating a just and progressive society or a society where every member of that society must identify himself with the views of others and with the administered reality?
The world is now borderless. And it is watching your folly!

Yours sincerely,
Navel Gazer

a festive wish from art.

We have:

a Pm who struggles to keep awake at work; who just got married and seems to be honeymooning all the bloody time; who shouts Islam Hadhari at every occassion and everywhere as if Malaysia is a the best-est most Islamic country in the whole nebula; who sits all the time on a moral highground ("we must be fair, we will be fair, we must this and that fair"); who, when confronted with an issue would say "I don't know" or "I need a report on that" or "I am establishing a 367-member committee to look into that matter"; who, after the whatever committee has finished their report and make recommendation, will refuse to follow the recommendation; who watches helplessly a damning evidence of our judiciary being desecrated without doing the right thing; a former PM who is still alive and will, hopefully live for another 100 years to see the destruction of every single fabric of our society; a Chief Justice who is so thick that he can't understand what the Common Law is so much so that he wants it to be replaced with Syariah Law; who denies that any of his judges has delayed in writing judgement when a MP shows that his fellow judge has not written judgment in 36 cases right under his (the CJ's) nose; who had to go to the scandinavian countries just to get an idea on how to buy and install some pentium 3 computers in Courts; who says it is sinful not to speak BM in courts; who doesn't even know how to deny a very serious allegation against him in public; a de-facto law minister who is so arrogant and full of shit so mush so that he made an offer of immunity to witnesses under a law which does not exist and blamed his press secretary for his mistake; bloodshed on the roads every festive season; buses and lorries plunging into ravines killing hundreds every now and then and the PM is still waiting for reports; landslide in the most modern city called Putrajaya; police force which do not have any credibility and lacking in any kind of respect from the public at large; a child being kidnapped and abused and tortured and murdered; parents who are so irresponsible and who do not appear to have an inkling on how to take care of their kids and are oblivious to the fact that they are trustees of their kids and have a duty for their safety and well beings; prices of whatever going up and up; public utilities company who announce profits in the billions but then apply to increase the price of whatever utility they are supplying; having to pay taxes while at the same time paying for whatever ameneties which are supposed to be provided by the government by virtue of the very taxes which we are paying; a society which is so obsessed with celebrities weddings and the likes, with Datukship and Tan Sri ship and Tunship; a national football teams which is run by clowns and play like clowns on crack!; a "bolehnaut" who is blasted to te space at a price of 30million USD which is equivalent to about 105 million RM which could buy about 35000 computers for the schools at 3000 RM apiece or 1310 dialysis machines at 80000 apiece or whatever; a government who is cheated to pay 30 million bucks a year for a huge ferris wheel; race and religion inter-relation which is getting worse and worse and which is threatening the very basic foundation of our multi cultural society with the government having not a clue on how to solve it; mega projects worth billions just to show that we could and have the money to buy in tonees of bricks and steel and assemble them into burlesque monuments of nothingness without having the foresight, nor the intelligence to realise that it is our values which stay stagnant and is in dire need of improvement as opposed to the physical appearance of our nation and at the end of the day a country's success is evaluated and dependent upon the ascension of its people to intellectual empowerment, freedom and emancipation; a transport system which is not working; haze all year round without any kind of effective measures taken; children as young as 12 year old running away from homes with the government and parents having absolutely no clue as to the reason let alone as to finding the proper solution; schools full of nutty teachers; universities whose election is filled with government proxies fighting against opposition proxies; people in Mercedes cars jumping ques, throwing rubbish on the roads and hogging the road; stupid malay singers who can't sing for nuts singing in public; useless and senseless reality tv shows; graduates who can;t speak English let alone having the ability to communicate properly; Islamic authorities who gate crash parties and other people's homes and rooms; so called RELA members harassing foreigners including diplomat's wife!; high profile murder cases which are investigated by idiots, prosecuted by idiots, adjudged by idiots, defended by idiots, of course reported by idiots and read by idiots!; discriminatory laws and policies which actually amount to legalised apartheids eschewing egalitarianism and so on and so forth.... in other words friends, we have no hope left!

the only bright spark in an otherwise wholly stupid year is the success of the double heart transplants of that really lovely bright and strong willed chinese girl, Tee Hui Yi by a team of malay specialists (led by a dear friend of mine, Ezani), utilising at first, a heart donated by a malay boy which almost brought some tears to my eyes. God bless you Hui Yi. May you grow up well learnt and live happily.

erm... by the way, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE.


CHEERS.

Telekom can thank my arse

It was reported in the newspapers today that Menara TM was going to be transformed into an inspirational wall. We are told that in order to do this, Telekom Malaysia Berhad (TM) will use 28 large format projectors and beam images between 8pm and midnight. Those images will comprise of the country's 5 Prime Ministers, 'unsung heroes' and 'ordinary Malaysians'. As if all this were not enough, 'inspiring messages to people who have contributed to the nation' will also be shone onto the wall of inspiration. Datuk Abdul Wahid Omar, the TM Group Chief Executive, explained this complete and utter waste of money, 'This initiative is aimed at fostering a sense of nationhood as well as to show gratitude to all Malaysians who have helped to build a beautiful nation.' It is not quite clear what psychological, sociological or even economic study they relied on in coming to the conclusion that beaming images of those people would result in 'fostering a sense of nationhood' much less how spending obscene amounts of money in that manner would 'show gratitude to all Malaysians...' Tell you what Datuk Abdul Wahid, why don't you show your gratitude by making sure we get our money's worth for that sham broadband package called 'Streamyx' that TM is offering instead of spending all that money on advertising and initiatives like this?

But it's so exciting to hear that TM has kicked off 'TM Merdeka Millionaire', 'the reward programme where a lucky customer could walk away with RM 1 million in cash.' I mean celebrate our country's 50th year from the colonial yoke and you could win RM 1 million in cash. I'm not quite sure how this programme has any relation to Merdeka aside from the fact that the word Merdeka is used in this programme which reinforces the mentality here that to make your fortune is a matter of plain stupid luck, but like we like to say, 'Malaysia boleh!'

As if that were not enough, TM is also publishing a commemorative book reflecting its proud history of growth and achievements as a government linked company. Wow. Just what we needed (like a sodomy without the lube)! And the fun doesn't stop there. They're going to give away national flags at TM Points for free! It's so inspiring how TM values the symbol of the flag that they make cheap replicas and give them freely to anyone who wanted one. If that is not the symbol of corporate patriotism, I don't know what is (and to be honest, wouldn't want to know either).

All this is to fit into the theme for TM's Merdeka celebrations this year which is 'Thanking Malaysians.' And TM should not just be thanking us, they should be licking our arses. Check out these numbers from Datamonitor: "The group recorded revenues of MYR16,399.2 million (approximately $4,648.5 million) during the fiscal year ended December 2006, an increase of 17.6% over 2005. The operating profit of the group was MYR3,490.6 million (approximately $989.4 million) during fiscal year 2006, an increase of 97.3% over 2005. The net profit was MYR2,302.3 million (approximately $652.6 million) in fiscal year 2006, as compared to net profit of MYR855.5 (approximately $242.5 million) in 2005."

TM made an operating profit of almost RM 3.5 billion which is an increase of 97.3% over their operating profit for the year ending 2005. And you can bet your shitty streamyx connection that all those events are going to be organized by a bunch of cronies and people/companies with vested interests. If TM really wanted to thank Malaysians then (i) make less profit of us you bastards (ii) constantly improve and maintain your service and (iii) don't waste money like you are on these Merdeka celebrations because you are a corporate entity, not a goddamned individual and were not even around during Merdeka.

TM is not celebrating Merdeka. It's cheapened it by making it an excuse to pour astounding sums of money to no good purpose, meaning or significance.

Oh why were you born so beautiful.....?

Crap! Bloody and utter crap!

20 people died when an express bus dived into a ravine, the bus having no permit to ply the relevant route, being 20 years old, the driver having 13 traffic summonses and 2 warrant of arrest, the aged chassis was evident when the roof was wholly severed from the main chassis and what did our government do? The PM was quoted as saying something to this effect, " I am sorry to hear about the loss of lives and I hope something would be done to ensure that this will not happen again!" You are sorry Pak Lah? And you hope something will be done to ensure that it will not happen again? Excuse me! Haven't I heard that before? That's it? Nobody is fired? First of all, how about firing the Minister of Transport? Or at the bloody least, fuck him in public? Reprimand him for a job NOT fucking done! How many times have this happened? Tell me please. Because I have lost count. Drunken driver. Sleepy driver. Stoned driver. Old vehicle. Buses in bad shape. No permit.

Every time it happens, the authorities will come up with steps to improve things. Like "drivers will be asked to take refresher courses". And there must be 2 drivers. And one driver can only drive for not more than 8 hours. Now they want to make CEO of transport companies personally liable and guilty of an offence too. And suddenly, there must be some compliance with some European standard! Haven't we all fucking heard it before?

And what the blinking fuck was the police doing? And RIMV too? Busy catching people with tinted windows huh? 13 traffic summonses and 2 warrant of arrest and the driver was happily driving a bus loaded with university students, kids, pregnant women and what have you? Busy raiding houses of blog owners are we?

Dear Mr Prime Minister. Please la. Don't la you go around saying sorry and hope that things will be done to ensure that it will not happen again. Because IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN JUST AS THE FUCKING SUN RISES EVERY MORNING!!! Please la do something happening Mr Pak Lah. Read my lips...H.A.P.P.E.N.I.N.G. And by that I don't mean you should establish a 80 member committee to look into the problems or some shit like that. Because that is oh so 30 minutes ago my man.

When I was a freshie in the university, and when we lost a football match to another college, the seniors would line up the whole college to greet us with a song. It goes like this...

Oh why were you born so beautiful
Oh why were you born at all
You ain't of no use
You ain't of no use at all
Go back you fool
Go back you fool
Go back you bloody fools!

Uh, erm...take a wild guess why I suddenly remember that song...

A Short and Concise Non-Clinical Study of the Behavioural Nature and Inclination of a Select Citizenry of a Slaughter House

They are so unbelievably and incredibly stupid. In fact, it is an insult to the word “stupid” and to all the stupid people in the whole universe to call them stupid. It could therefore be incredibly stupid of me to call them stupid. Because their sheer stupidity calls for a redefinition of the word “stupid”. The Oxford people should come up with a new word to describe these people. Perhaps, the word could sound like “stumoronic”, which is a combination of “stupid” and “moronic”. Or “ninkompmoronpoop”. Something like that. Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka also should come up with a new term. Because the word “bodoh” does not even begin to describe these people. “Mangkuk” is close to describing them. And with their inherent propensity to wank in public, “mangkuk hayun” would be apt.

Yes. I am talking about some of our so called pillars of society, our “yang berhormats” or in English, “parliamentarians”. Jeez, I fell so guilty now. It’s like I am guilty of the proverbial “pencemaran bahasa” or in common English, “verbal diarrhoea”. How could some of these, these, erm…these cretins be addressed as “YBs” is to me a source of endless wonderment and puzzlement, the extent of which is only exceeded when I consider the perennial mother of all puzzlement, namely, “what do women want”?

Our so-called YBs could generally be classified into two categories. The first one has a “stupidtronic” button on their chest. Let’s call this category as Group A. Group A is filled with people who are generally quite clever and make quite clever statements from time to time or when they are intelligently sober. So, when asked, for instance, what they think of America’s or the UK’s stand on global warming, Group A would go all starry eyed and grab the microphone and rattle data and statistics about how the carbon dioxide emissions from various industries in the USA and UK is hurting the world and turning the world into one huge sauna room. They would then launch a tirade of what seems to sound like intellectual diatribes and obvious politically induced statements against the two governments. No matter how self-serving their statements could or might sound. No matter what. But hey, we live in a free world and so we are free to say anything we like about other people. But of course, other people cannot say anything about us because other people don’t know us at all. Very clever. Very intellectual.

These very same people, in Group A, are very special people. They are special because their IQ can vary. Downward that is. They have this very special ability to downgrade their IQ to a single digit by pressing their respective stupidtronic button. The trigger point, at which this button will be called into service, is subject to such wide variables that it is beyond the scope of this humble thesis to explore and explain. Only loose examples could be given. When for instance, they are asked why are new government buildings or complexes full of defects, they would immediately press the stupidtronic button and say things like “the contractors did not do their job properly”. And when further asked why the superintending officer, namely the government servant entrusted to ensure that all jobs are properly done by the contractor before approving payment to the contractor, certify the contractor’s job as done when it is not done properly, they would again press their stupidtronic button and say, “ all buildings must have certain defects”. Get the idea? I betcha.

Stupidtronic button would also be called into action if they are asked why a woman, who is a Christian, and who does not want to be a Muslim, must be subject to mental torture and forced to live with her Muslim father and mother by some religious authorities. They would say, “because WE want her to repent and be a Muslim”. That kinda thing. I think you get the idea, right?

Then there is the second category. This should be referred to as Group B. This is simple. They have no button on their chest. So, you would think that they are always clever and they don’t have the special ability to downgrade their IQ like those in Group A, right? Wrong! They have no button on their chest because they don’t need one. They don’t need one because the people in this group are perpetually stupid. Their whole life is dedicated towards making stupid statements and being stupid. Their greatest achievement in their entire stupid and miserable life is being able to spell their name correctly and to use capital letters at the beginning of their name and their father’s name. Heck, they can’t even fuck properly, these people, I think. You would notice that I had not used the F word in the preceding paragraphs but when describing Group B, you would have no choice but to speak a bit of French. And that is not to say that the French are stupid. No. Not at all. I mean, if the French are stupid, they would not have invented the guillotine right? (not many people notice, but the guillotine is actually based on a kacip! – bloody copycat, these French!). Well, sorry, I digress. This seems to be my common problem whenever I write about serious things. Sorry again. Back to Group B. Yes. They justify their whole existence on this Earth by making normal people like me and you laugh till we are sick in the stomach every time they open their mouth and start talking. Sometime I ask myself, from which hovel did they all come from? Was there a nuclear reactor somewhere in our country which went kaboom about 60-70 years ago and had covered a part of our country with radioactive and were these people born in that area? Or was there a secret, really secret, operation by the English administration after the world war where lobotomy was performed on thousands of Malayans in order to find out the secret behind MCPAJA (the Malyan Chinese People Anti-Japanese Army, which later became MCP, the Malayan Communist Party) which went awfully wrong? Because they seem to be blessed with such supreme stupidity and unsurpassed ability to undertake moroniculous activities (if talking shit could be regarded as an activity) that they could only be mutants caused by some nuclear reactor gone awry or some lobotomy gone wrong. I mean, some mothers do, actually, have ‘em? OMG!

Whatever it is, the people from Group B, and the people from Group A, as and when they press their stupidtronic button, share some common traits which are not hard to notice. Firstly, they have very limited vocab when they argue against each other in the Parliament. “Bodoh!”, shouts one of them. “Kurang ajar”, screams another one. “Awak diam”, implore another. “Celaka, awak makan babi”, says one of them. Okay. I made up the last one. But you get the idea. They are not only super morons, they also seem to be educated at John McEnroe’s School Of Manners. In their past time, they all read Salman Rushdie’s, er, sorry, Sir Salman’s “Vitriolic Verses”. Fuck him! There you go. Another French word.

Secondly, the men in both group seem to be preoccupied with the opposite sex. “We are not preoccupied with the opposite sex!!!”, denies one of them. “We are only obsessed with women”, explains him. Yes, you idiot. I get it. Anything and everything to do with women, and these guys would suddenly be enwrapped by such intellectual vigour that they would spring up like a used Eibach springs and open their mouth to vomit some sickening opinions which to the rest of the civil world sounds really trivial, if not for the sickening side of it. Two days after the Japanese GT race was held in Sepang, they stood up to ask why the Japanese race queens were scantily clad. Orait brader. Good work! You have earned your allowance for this month. Fuck you! I don’t fucking pay you to talk about race queens in the Parliament. You good for nothing morons! Then, two or three days later they would ask why our female artists and singers are wearing tight pants and dresses and short skirts. Wonderful. Excellent. And yes, stupid. They are also preoccupied with pan Asian look. “Our advertisement should not be acted by pan Asian looking women and men”, they scream. Quite what the fuck is pan Asian look, only they are blessed with the gift to know and define.

Thirdly, they can be sexist, and sometime even racist. Discussing the leak at the Parliament house’s roof, one of them say to a lady Parliamentarian, “but you also leak once a month!”. Yeah. And you leak from your ass every now and then. Later, they would issue the standard apology which is, actually, for all intent and purpose, not an apology at all. “If we are wrong, we are sorry”, they said. Which means to say, we don’t think we are wrong, but if you think we are, we are sorry then. Are they then sorry for being wrong or are they sorry for us thinking they are wrong? I really don’t know. Actually, this apology is quite clever, really. Annoying. But clever. Very!

Fourthly, they all wear, or love to wear navy blue double-breasted jacket with brass buttons. Yes. Everywhere and for every occasion. Coffee at Austin Chase at Bangsar Shopping Complex at 5? Yes. I will turn up in a navy blue double-breasted jacket with brass buttons. Opening ceremony of the most technologically advanced toilet in the whole fucking nebula? Yes. Navy blue double-breasted jacket with brass buttons I shall wear. Cabinet meeting? Ditto. Parliament? Ditto. Dinner at Shang? Yes, ditto. They think they look so cool in that jacket. And they call that jacket a coat. Everything is a coat to them. A sports jacket is a coat to them. So is a business suit. In fact, even a tuxedo is a coat to these peeps. What to do? Simple mind!

Fifthly, ant this is the really stupid one. All of them think that all of us are similar to them. Confidently at that. Amazing. This is what my kampung folks call “sombong bodo”! We are not the same with you, idiots! Get real. And get a proper shag, will you please? If you know how, that is.

Two days ago, they slaughtered cows and goats at the Parliament House’s compound to celebrate the PM’s wedding. HUahahAHahahAhahHAAhahAHAHhaHAH… Sorry, I am wiping my tears now. The Speaker of the house, when asked, said that “it is normal to do so”. ‘Scuse me? Normal? It is normal to slaughter cows and goat in the compound of the Parliament House? Yes, it is apparently. Erm, what if next week some MCA or DAP members want to kill some pigs to celebrate their leader’s wedding? Boleh ka? Or some MIC members want to do a kavadi procession for whatever reason? Normal eh? Erm, while we are at it, why don’t we pop some Don Perignon and some bottles of Pinnot Noir and a barrel or two of Kilkenny’s? Boleh yer? Normal what? After all, that’s how we celebrate a wedding.

Oh Captain, my Captain. In Malaysia however, it’s “oh Idiot, my Idiot”!

PS This is part of a thesis submitted by the writer to his local university for his Doctorate in "Animal Husbandry". Surprisingly, to the writer, he failed.

Mawi

Mawi. The very mention of his name alone would invite a sudden fit of violent convulsive reaction from my whole body. And when he pops out on the TV screen, or on the various billboards along the highway, or in advertisements in the newspapers, I would instantly suffer from some kind of an allergic reaction while my stomach would churn copious amount of unknown chemicals together with last night’s meals ever ready to make their way up my oesophagus, pass my throat, into my mouth and out into the open air. And whenever he opens that stupid mouth of his, while holding the microphone, in an exercise which he and his crew of monkeys call “singing”, I would just wish that Wahap Patail would go bonkers and buy a gun and shoot him, right there, right then!

Ron Jeremy. A fat-arsed, ugly, balding and probably smelly-as-a-pig man with a 9-inch dick. He is proof that every man can get a fuck with beautiful sexy bitches! Never mind class. Put aside refinement. Just pure lustful sex. Unadulterated with passion and irrelevant matters like, well, love. That is Ron Jeremy. And if you all are wondering why I am talking about Ron Jeremy in an article about Mawi, well, here it is. Mawi, to me, is like Ron Jeremy! Minus the 9 inches, that is. A totally talentless, unrefined, uncultured, naïve boy, plucked from somewhere between Dumb City and Hopeless Town, thrust into the limelight by some kind of a media miracle in a freak show called Akademi Fantasia.

Yes, Akademi Fantasia. That circus where they group up young and predominantly Malay Malaysians for 3 months or so; video cam everything they do; teach them how to dance and sing and doll them up at night; parade them every week to the ever gullible public; have 3 senior has-beens who obviously suffer from severe lack of attention syndrome to humiliate them in full view of the public; and laugh all the way to the bank with millions of ringgit earned from charges made for every text message sent by the public in support of their chosen contestant. Yes, that show. And, oh, not to forget, the host of that show, a pondan-looking 45 year old with bleached skin in Armani suits! Excuse me, but I need to puke now.

You all must have guessed it by now. I hate Mawi. And that is H.A.T.E. in very capital letters! Why would I hate him, you may ask. I don’t even know him personally. And he had done absolutely nothing wrong, either to me or to others. And he had not designed all these things himself. He was just a media product. The lucky stars must have been smiling on him. He is now a big star earning big bucks. Oh yeah, probably it’s envy, huh?

Well, let me clarify myself. I don’t hate Mawi as a person. To me, Mawi encapsulates everything that is wrong with our society as a whole and particularly the Malays nowadays. Mawi is an example of Malaysia, and Malaysians, being ever too willing to be hoodwinked by emotions and to let themselves sucked into a vortex of media hype and perceived hipness and get lost in a maze of frenzied and almost hysterical celebrity-titis fed by absolute nothingness! Mawi is a definite example of us rewarding mediocrity above everything else that should matter the most. Things like talent, for example. Mawi is an example of corporate leeches and parasites feeding the blood off unsuspected, and most certainly naïve, nothing-better-to-do and stupid cable-TV citizenry. Mawi is proof that we value a face, an image, an illusion, a fantasy more than the inner realities of things, of matters, of life in itself. Mawi, is a monstrous monument of corporate and individual greed that somehow or other manage to invade us and our inner self and manifest itself into a raging desire to be in front, come what may, whichever way and whatever will.

I hate Mawi.