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Islamisation in Malaysia is typified by the Iranian approach to drinking beers. We want to drink beers but beers contain alcohol. So we have non-alcoholic beers. That's it. The Islamisation of beers!

Last week, no less than the Institute of Islamic Understanding (Institiut Kefahaman Islam Malaysia or IKIM in short) had a brainstorming session. You know, sometimes these people would converge and talk about how big their LCD televisions are and how many horse power their office air conditioners have. And they would make nice glossy posters and call their meeting a conference, seminar, summit or whatever. Like the one in Perak previously where the ulamaks met and decreed that it was wrong for Muslims to celebrate non-Muslims festivities. Yes. That kinda thing. And so, IKIM had a conference last week.

And so what did they discuss? I mean apart from the size of their LCD sets and stuffs. Well, there's a hell lot they could have discussed and resolved on. The killing of the Muslims in Sudan. The suicide bombings in Pakistan by seemingly young and powerless Muslims. Maybe they could issue an edict on what really constitutes martyrdom in Islam. The Islamisation of the banking industry in Malaysia and the entire world. They could look into the various loan transactions being done by the banks under the Islamic loan banner and determine whether those loans are really Islamic in nature or are they just normal commercial loans with interests disguised and hidden as profits which are allowed by Islam. Or what about the independence of Kosovo? Yea, Kosovo after all is a country full of Muslims. The Muslims there were subject to genocide not a long time ago. And now they have declared independence, albeit unilaterally. The USofA has supported the independent declaration for whatever reason. Indonesia, the most populous Muslim country has objected, also for whatever reason. Malaysia has kept quiet -not for whatever reason- probably because nobody within our leadership, especially our PM, has noticed the significance of that event. What was even more astonishing is the fact that the Organisation Of Islamic Countries, of which our PM is the Chairman, did not even move a finger to support the Kosovo independence! As to what actually the OIC is interested in, nobody would ever know. Non alcoholic beers, may be. Elsewhere, Muslims continue to be outcast by westerners. Islam, the religion of peace and harmony, is now viewed by westerners, especially, - wrongly but somehow almost justifiably - as a religion which is anti-women, supports extremism and terrorism, promotes suicide bombings, primitive, medieval, intolerant of other religions, racist and anything but good. What could be done to put right this misconception? What could be done to tell the world that Islam is a religion which promotes harmony and peace. That Islam respects other religions. That Christians and the Old Testament followers are in fact "people of the books" who share the same origin as that of the Muslims. What could be done to promote a healthier and more acceptable views of Islam in the whole world especially. Hell, what could be done to promote Islam as a peace loving and tolerant religion in Malaysia? Haven't we realised that inter religious relations in Malaysia is at an all time low? What can be done?

And so IKIM met. I mean they conferred. The top guns of the Malaysian Muslims met and conferred. I would at least expect them to tackle the inter religious issues in Malaysia if not the world. I mean, these are the top guns we are talking about, no? Yeah. The met. They conferred. So, what did they talk about? KHALWAT! That was what they talked and make loud noise about! Awesome! Like totally awesome! Now they want the khalwators to be punished by strokes of the rotans. And not only that, the non-Muslims khalwatees must also be punished in the civil courts! That's what the wanted. How could a non-Muslim, who is doing nothing wrong under his or her religion, be punished just escaped their teeny weeny mind! Oh not only that. The also want beer drinkers to be get strokes of the rotan as well. Great! Cane them all. Just imagine. The gliterratis of the Malaysian Muslims met, conferred and came out with this. IKIM. Institiut Kefahaman Islam Malaysia or the Institute of Islamic UNDERSTANDING. Wonderful. Brilliant. I am sure, after the conference last week, many non-Muslims in Malaysia and the world at large, have now understood Islam better and are all to ready to embrace Islam or be more tolerant to Muslim ideas. Thank you IKIM.

I tell you what IKIM. I am going to Islamise a piglet for you. I am going to buy a piglet. Make it wear a green robe and grow beards. Then I am going to put a ketayap on its head. What do you think?

Meanwhile, the PM is still struggling with his cabinet. Not the one in the Sri Perdana's kitchen. I mean, the Malaysian cabinet! Bloody hell. This guy. He dropped Rafidah Aziz and then realised that the Wanita UMNO does not have a minister. So at the last minute he appointed Shahrizat as a special adviser with ministerial powers. That is like appointing another minister la Pak Lah! Then some of the deputy ministers rejected their appointments. And some who accepted later resigned. What the hell is happening la? And today it is reported that Sabah and Sarawak are now happy that the PM says they will get more people in the cabinet as Ministers. Jeez. You blinking klumptzoid!

I want to ask the PM. Do you read? Do you know the very purpose of the parliament and the government? If I may quote Edmund Birke. He says:

Parliament is not a congress of ambassadors from different and hostile interests, which interests each must maintain, as an agent and advocate, against other agents and advocates; but Parliament is a deliberative assembly of one nation, with one interest, that of the whole-where not local purposes, not local prejudices, ought to guide, but the general good, resulting from the general reason of the whole. (as quoted in Birch 1972, page 39)

You see Mr Prime Minister, the Parliament, and a fortiori, your cabinet, is supposed to work for the country as a whole. It is not a place where interests, whether based on geographical localities, or religions, or races, or whatever, are supposed to be represented and protected. It is supposed to represent the whole country. The whole people. Race and religion regardless! So, I don't for the life of me understand why it is so difficult for you to appoint people to be in your cabinet. It is not a matter of whether there should be a Wanita UMNO gal in your cabinet, or Puteri UMNO, or a guy from Sabah or Sarawak in your cabinet. Just select the best people. I mean, if all the best people who could propel this nation towards greatness happen to be in Perlis, then appoint them la. What is so freaking difficult? The problem is that you, and BN, all these while, are blinkered in this power sharing thing. You and your ilk seem to think that power sharing means that the ministerial powers are supposed to be shared by people from the parties within the BN. That would mean, if a party within the BN consists of klumptzoits, than you have no choice but to appoint a klumptzoit as a minister, just to suit your "power sharing" agenda. The country as a whole can be damned! Now, that is just not on! That is plain stupid. And unfair to the people. But then again, what do you all care about the people and their ideals? If you all care about the people, then your Minister, like Azalina, would not be canceling tourism contracts in the 5 states which are controlled by the opposition parties. God, that is so shallow.

So, what is next? Non alcoholic beers at UMNO general assembly?