Friday, April 4, 2008

Feature on Toilets in the Malaysian Courts

High Court of Malaya at Johor Bahru
Ground Floor, February 2008

The toilet in the ground floor of the High Court of Malaya at Johor Bahru is an excellent example of the sort of toilets one has to become accustomed to in the Courts of Malaysia. One will notice the narrowness of the toilet which is deliberate to ensure that networking and sociability are promoted in the toilet (but not amongst the homosexual because then they will have sex in there. Toilets are not for homosexual sexual encounters although heterosexual ones are encouraged especially to be filmed and thereafter uploaded for everybody else's amusement and collection).

It is also mandatory for most toilets not to have any tissue paper for one's convenience such as wiping one's hand or on occasion one's arse (because most people in Malaysia use water only ... Note: We at Navel Gazing encourage the use of tissue whether or not you use water or acid on your monkey ass). Do not be fooled by the toilet tissue dispenser - it's there to make up the budget only. The plastic stick that keeps the tissue there is never supplied even after certificate of fitness is issued for the building.

There are also no plastic seats for you to sit on the toilet, which means that whether you get a squat toilet or the sitting one, if you're doing the big one, you still have to squat on either. Navel Gazing however cautions that only those with an excellent sense of balance to squat on the sitting toilet and strongly suggests that if you have to lose balance to do so only before or after the expelling of the faeces takes place. Otherwise it can be very messy and... smelly. So rubber soled shoes are strongly recommended.

You will notice a black hose on the left wall of the toilets. If you are lucky, water will issue forth for you to clean yourself up after answering nature's call. However, if you are lucky and intend to wash your arse with it, Navel Gazing strongly recommends you do not put it too close to your arse because when you do that, the probabilities that the force of water will be very strong and hence painful would shoot up exponentially (pun intended). Please use toilets in the Malaysian courts. They are a cultural institution of the Malaysian courts that is not often discussed in the reported (and unreported) cases which is surprising since there is a lot of faecal matter reported in the local legal journals.

Finally, there is no air conditioning in the toilet and the sole source of ventilation is the crack between the door entrance to the toilet door and the floor which is about 10 cm. Sniffing before entering the toilet is therefore strongly encouraged. If you cannot take the faecal smells and heat then get out of the toilet. You don't deserve to be there.

1 comment:

Noryn said...

oh all the toilets, u choose the JBHC toilets lar. isyk! If u dont like it,go to the sub-courts, the toilets there are cleaner n they have that air fresherner with the timer. You have to go the 4th or 5th floor ones lah. the 3rd floor is the traffic n criminal courts, very packed n no amount of air freshener can freshen the stench of body odours. uwek!