Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I apologise...

I know. I may have offended you. Although I have no clue why. Are you a moron? Or ultra sensitive? I thought I was just exercising my right by doing what I did. What is wrong with that? I mean, it is a symbol you know? It is a symbol of my virility. And as with any other man and his dog, it is within my right to flash it here and there. Even wave it. I mean, if I get excited, surely I have the right to do that, no? Why are you being so sensitive? Have I scared you in any way? It was so innocuous what. So harmless. Why would you be scared? I never intended to scare you what? Are you a pervert or something? I mean, who else would think like you did when I did that? Only perves would do that. You must be a perve la... I think so. You tell me. What is so wrong with me flashing it and waving it in public? Tell me la ..... I don't think there is anything wrong. That's why I did it a few times. And the people surrounding me clapped. My side kick had also done it. After me. And then they clapped some more. They were very impressed with how glistening it was. And the size and length of it all. Everybody was. In fact they all carried it for me. Such was the magnitude of it all. I was just showing how proud I was of it. As I said, it was a symbol of my virility. Why can't or shouldn't I do what I did? It was a private function some more. Ya la, it was shown live over the TV. But I did not ask them to show it live. That was their decision, not mine. I have no control over the media. But who would want to miss that kind of spectacle? You tell me.

But I am a good man. A good man with a good symbol of virility is sensitive to other people's feelings you know. I heard you did not like what I did. So I had some soul searching done. Although I did it thrice in 3 years, I searched my soul a full one a half month mind you. And after doing so, I realised that I may have offended you. I don't know whether you are or not. And if you did, I do not know why. You are probably a moron, a perve for taking what I did the wrong way, an ultra sensitive pre-menopausal woman/man/spinster/widower/divorcee/good-for-nothing self righteous Nazis or just plain difficult Neanderthals with half a pea brain! You have nothing better to do than to criticise me and my symbol of virility. In other words, you are an asshole! Anyway, I digress. Sorry.

As I was saying, there was nothing wrong in what I did. But if, just if, and that means in case la ..... just in case ..... or in the event that ..... okay ..... if, or in case or whatever, but this is hypothetical only you know, this is meant to be purely hypothetical, paham tak? Hypothetical, that's whay I say "if". Okay? So. If lah, in case lah, I had offended you by my action, which I did 3 times, and although I find nothing wrong in what I did, absolutely, and I still feel the same way now, I felt the same way when I did it, and I will feel the same way in the future, although it is like that, I am sorry okay? Okay? You okay with that? Don't be angry anymore okay? Stop sulking okay? Smile a bit. Gimme a pat on the shoulder or something. Read my lip. I am sorry. But I don't promise not to do it again you know. But hypothetically, if it is going to make you scared again, although I do not know why you should feel like that, and I think you are a moron/monkey/beruk/monyet hilang anak for feeling so, I might just not do it again la next time. If la. "IF "okay. You understand or not. "IF".

Now, if you could excuse me ...

5 comments:

Ryn said...

its too late to apologise, too late - One republic feat timbaland.

Shanmuga K said...

Hahaha.... can't stop laughing :D

Yusuf/Martin said...

This is extremely close to being brilliant!

At first I thought it was Jim Morrison of the Doors after his infamous concert in 1970.

Kris said...

But why with your qualified apology did you also clearly state to the people who applauded you when you displayed your symbol of virility that you apologise for not being able to uphold their symbol? Why are you telling your supporters in no uncertain terms that you tried to uphold this symbol but that you were beaten down? In effect inciting the people who supported your garish and obscene display to feel angst and anger against the people who beat you down and beat the first apology out of you?

You're a miserable excuse for a human being for committing the first act but your qualified and dual faced apology reveals that you are not only not contrite for the act but actually wish to take this country down in flames if necessary just to achieve your ends. Crawl back into your hole......

Jake said...

Apology accepted from this moron. Am I missing something because I am confused. I read the blog and so what if you flashed.