Thursday, July 17, 2008

Humen Against the Mistreatment concerning Sex and Attention to their Penises (HAMSAP)

I'm sick and tired of a particular species of non-governmental organizations (NGO) in Malaysia. Now I'm not putting them down or the good work that they do - helping oppressed and abused women, providing them shelter, fighting for their rights and all that. Great stuff. I'm all for it. 

But I'm sick of them because firstly there are so many of them: All Woman's Action Organization (AWAM), Asian-Pacific Resources and Research Centre for Women (ARROW), Murni Women's Development Foundation of Kelantan (Yayasan MURNI), National Council of Women's Organizations (NCWO), Sabah Women's Action Society (SAWO), Sarawak Federation of Women's Institutes (SFWI), Sisters in Islam (SIS), Tenaganita, Women's Aid Organization (WAO) and Women's Crises Centre (WCC). And if those organizations from civil society are not sufficient to cover women's issues, don't you worry, because the government has the National Council of Women's Organizations, the National Advisory Council on the Inter-Action of Women in Development, the National Clearinghouse on Women in Development (NCWS) which is under the Prime Minister's Department, and the Secretariat for Women's Affairs (HAWA) which is also under the Prime Minister's Department. 

In all those women's organizations, there's only one male organization I found - Pink Triangle. But membership there is a little more exclusive. It's for boys that like boys and/or like dressing as girls. So while I have nothing against homosexuality (diversity is the spice of life!) and have gotten over my homophobia (this happened when I realized that gay dudes are better traveled, well read, more sophisticated, usually possess a high level of aesthetics and great conversationalists than the common heterosexual male whose idea of conversation is scratching their balls and taking about their football team), it's not my cup of tit because I like my tits in pairs and if there's any cupping to be done, it had better be me. 

What annoys me about these women's group organizations is their complete lack of creativity in coming up with cool abbreviations for their movements. I mean check it out - SAWO, SFWI, WCC - sheehs. You think they just picked out the first letters of their chosen organization name and used those. Oh wait. They did. See what I mean about lack of creativity? And when they actually make an effort to come up with something they use potent penile imagery. I mean, let's take ARROW for example. Come on. Is there even a sliver of pubic hair of vaginal imagery with that word? I think we are all agreed that a long hard shaft capped with a protruding and pointed head strongly suggests the penis. A turgid one at that. 

And this brings me to my second point - it's all about women, women, women. And if it's not about that then it's about women needing this, women needing that, that men have penises and are bad, smelly and don't shave and how if they were into pussy they would all be licking and fingering themselves without us. There's nothing about the celebration of maleness, manhood or about men's place and role in society vis-a-vis women. It's gotten to the point where men don't even know how to be men anymore because we are too busy trying to please women. 

And if all that is not bad enough, it's not as if women reward us with this greater sensitivity, greater care or thoughtfulness with regular and frequent kinky, creative, wild and noisy sex, daily deep throat blow jobs the moment we step into our castles (that's right boys, don't forget that or who's the king), and indulge our threesome fantasies. If you get even one of them, thank your lucky cock mate, cos most of us aren't getting any of those. Better yet record it on your phone and then email it around to make all of us jealous that you're banging that hottie from Cosmopoint in seven different ways using all the furniture in the room as well as the walls. Dream fucking on mate. Since women are so empowered these days, they will just pat you on the head for your concern and sensitivity and let you go watch football with your friends. If you are lucky she will watch while you wank yourself off and not start flipping a magazine before you cum in your record time of 30 seconds (you fucking loser!). 

After a thorough and vigorous anecdotal survey conducted by the staff of Navel Gazing which are legion, I have also gathered that less and less women are putting out for men. One night stands are at an all time low. Casual sex is almost unheard of. The mention of the word orgy conjures imagery of greek men having a go at one another. And there is a strange notion growing amongst the female population that sex is something only men enjoy. If you know any women who think this, they are part of a dangerous anti-sex cult and a police report should be lodged against them. So that's right men. More of us are being fucked or sucked less. If you are a man and don't know this, you are one lucky bastard (although heads up dude, it's not gonna last forever!). 

I am resolved to change this sad and terrible state of affairs (pun intended). I am therefore forming the Humen Against the Mistreatment concerning Sex and Attention to their Penises (HAMSAP) to stand up against the wanton deprivation of sex going on to the male species (and more specifically, the heterosexual male) going on in this country (pun not intended). The goal of HAMSAP is to foster, promote and encourage a society and an environment where those in either a monogamous or open relationship are able to enjoy frequent, regular and enjoyable sex. That's right, the word 'enjoyable' is significant because where the female partner reads a magazine, yawns or ask the male partner to hurry up while engaging in sexual intercourse does not amount to sex or fucking by HAMSAP guidelines. It is to foster acceptance and the practise of one night stands, orgies and kinky, wild and noisy sex for the more adventurous males of society. In time, HAMSAP hopes to train men in the art of pleasuring women i.e. eating pussy and enjoying it (that's right, it's not just tweaking the nipples like a radio and slamming the salami), so that women will be more obliging with requests for sex.

If you are male and reading this - you know what this is about. This is the penile clarion call that you have been waiting for all your sex deprived life. If you have been wondering what your life has been about and what direction it should be taking - thank your cock that you have found this posting, because you have found it. Join HAMSAP and make this world a better place. Let's get people fucking, sucking, licking and blogging all about it in their salacious and tawdry details. Because sharing is caring, just like fucking is sharing. So join us today at by telling us why you want to join HAMSAP and how long you have been deprived of sex. If we have enough members, we can even launch a political party and really start talking some cock. We will be the premier political party setting penile policy. 

Join us. 

Show them that you have the balls to stand up for your cock. 

Be a satisfied man. 


art harun said...

With the women's abject attitude towards sex, it is small wonder (no pun here, okay!) that sodomy is such a celebrated act nowadays.

Agreed with ya on this one. HAMSAP's the way. May I be the issued with a membership card no. 002 please (after you, Sah!)

BTW, I am founder member of HARUM - hard and rollicking uninhibited married man organisation.

ben said...

Bravo! Chuckling along reading your intro to HAMSAP. When can join ah?

Daef said...


I am pleased to note that HAMSAP has now two members at the ready (pun intended). That said, that now makes us an uneasy threesome (what with all 3 of us wielding penises).

HAMSAP will be operational once we have reached the magical number of 69 for our members i.e. getting 69 people to join us and not all of us carrying 69 simultaneously (although I am certain that would make it to the HAMSAP agenda once it is formed). In the meantime, HAMSAP shall endeavour to discuss some of the policies it wishes to propound on Navel Gazing until it is able to fund itself with money that can be used (pun intended).

ben said...

Art Harun/Daef,
I think this is pathetic. After 24 hours, only 3 batang have responded.

What's wrong with Msian men huh? No wonder the Kon Lo Mee seller is complaining that business bad because of everyone is asking about sodo-mee! Now I am so sure whether the cause is due to the fuel hike or sodo-mee. Kekeke!

Mati-lah like that. How to reach 69?

In the meantime, awaiting for your policies.

Deux Anges said...

Hey, give us break. I only read this blog occasionally.

So, I'd like to sign up...but I have to check first if this is compatible with my membership of OPEN (Onanism and Pornography Entertainment Network)