Monday, May 26, 2008

'cuse me, but I just don't freckin' get it - part 3




Mercedes CLS. "....a 'four door coupe,' the CLS recalls the fastback saloon designs of Robert Opron in the 1970s....the CLS-class was produced to combine the "strong, emotive charisma" of a coupe with the "comfort and practicality" of a saloon. Save for its four-door design, the CLS's design tends towards a coupe, as its sleek body reduces the rear passenger room to a 2+2 arrangement...." So says the blurp.

'Scuse me, 4 door coupe? Like what the fuck? From the litlle I know about the word "coupe", it means a short carriage with a seat for 2  at the back and 1 seat for the driver.  Translate that to a modern auto world lingo, "coupe" would mean a car with 2 doors which could accommodate 2 persons and which is a smaller version of the same model in saloon form. Not some behemoth 4 door saloon with sporty curves to disguise it's grotesque monstrosity, size and vanity wise, which could probably  take 7 passengers and the whole kitchen! Stupid Germans!

"...produced to combine the "strong, emotive charisma" of a coupe with the "comfort and practicality" of a saloon..." Sorry, I puke on your forehead, you meisterbullshyter! Like, what's the big idea? If somebody wants a saloon, he would go and buy a saloon. Likewise, if he (or she - just in case some female says I am a chauvinist, which I am not, you bitch!) wants a coupe, he or she, would just go and buy a coupe. Why would anybody want to buy a half coupe and half saloon combined together? Tell me. WHY? Why would anybody want to mess around and blend a saloon together with a coupe and buy a freaking behemoth called a "coupe with the "comfort and practicality" of a saloon", to borrow your own meaningless words? To have the best of both worlds huh? How could one have the best of a coupe (or saloon) if only half of the coupe (and saloon) is present in that car? That means I only have half coupe and half saloon. How could I then have the best of both a coupe and saloon? You fuckin' moron! I tell you, people who want the "best of both worlds" are the people who go for this kind of thing! Yes, this car speaks for itself!

By the way, you Germans, haven't you heard of GT? Yes. GT. No, not Gesunt heit. GT for Grand Touring, or Grand Tourer.  It is auto lingo for sports car which could accommodate a 2+2 siting arrangement and comfortable enough to be driven on a long journey. You know? So, a GT is a better bet if one wants a big sporty car which could take on 4 persons on a long journey. If one wants it to go fast as well, well, one could opt for a GTR, or in case you dumb assed don't know, Grand Tourer Racing. Which means the car is a GT and it runs very fast too, like it is a racing car. GT or GTR. Not a half coupe half saloon thingy.  Stupid Germans! Monkeys!

Ooh...wait...wait...look at this. " The lineup starts with the CLS550. It's equipped with a 5.5-liter V8 developing 382 horsepower and 391 pound-feet of torque. The CLS63 AMG has a 6.2-liter V8 that makes 507 hp and 465 lb-ft...Mercedes says the CLS63 AMG needs only 4.5 seconds to hit 60 mph." Huh? 507 horse power for a half coupe half saloon? Are you all Germans out of your mind? Picture this. The boss is at the back of the car, and he suddenly tells the driver "Muthu, accelerate to 60mph in 4.5 seconds please". Like duh? Why would a half coupe half saloon need that kind of power? Is it going to be driven on the track ah, this car? Is this car going to take part in a drag race? Or fancy driving it at 260kph on the highway? Someone with the money to buy this car would of course have the money to buy a proper, and very fast, sports car. Why would he buy this piece of crap?

German crap!

No comments: