Tuesday, April 3, 2007

A Dream of Death

Just now, in the afternoon, when I think I was sleeping, I dreamt. The unusual part about it was that I dreamed at all because I rarely dream. And as mine usually tends to go, it was so vivid as to feel real and hinted at some kind of fatality, usually relating to me. It began with me being suddenly being aware I was in a car. I was driving along a road that curved to the left and sloped gently uphill. I could not tell whether there was anybody in the car because all I could see was the gravelly black smooth tarmac rushing below the front of the car. The car was nondescript, but I felt it was a car I was confident with because it was one I handled regularly. For some reason my dream sight was only on the road. What little of the sky I glimpsed seemed grey and forbidding. I felt as if I was not supposed to look up.

The car is speeding along for what felt like a short while before I was suddenly attacked by a mood of impatience. I could even remember angrily asking in my dream, why the car was not moving fast enough. It felt purely automatic because right after that I felt my right foot, of its own accord, push deeper on to the pedal. I felt like someone given an opportunity to experience and feel the entirety of events unfold in unparalleled intimacy but prohibited from participating. The curved road gradually became steeper and steeper. But instead of slowing down, it was speeding up.

Soon after I felt the car very slowly and gradually start to lose control. Its grip on the road became more tenuous. I could feel its body drifting to the right hinting at the terrors it would unleash once it has committed itself. About this time, the road was rather steep because the sky could not even be seen. All I could see was the inky blackness of the road. Strangely, despite all these warnings and feeling everything so keenly, I felt indifferently distant. Then the road disappeared from view. The car skidded out of control. Its body spun off the road to the right into space, if not an emptiness. I could not see above or below. There was a moment of calm where everything seemed to freeze in mid-flight and for some reason I was looking at the roof of the car which was a creamy white. My attention was fixated on the car ceiling light. I remembered vaguely wondering whether it worked or not before suddenly the creamy white was violently shoved aside by a torrent of dark blue, green, brown although the creamy white did flash occasionally. I think the car was tumbling and when it did I began to ask whether this is how I would die. I felt nothing.

My eyes opened suddenly. I found myself staring at blank whiteness wondering in that instant whether it would be replaced by those darker, sinister colours. Then my field of vision quickly expanded as it took in my surroundings as the sensation of feeling rediscovered the rest of my body. I found myself in bed but there was no sense of relief. That sense of indifference I felt in my dream must have crossed over. Because it still lingers on my skin and face.

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