'scuse me, but I just don't freckin' get it - part 1

ThE cAsE oF a wElL kNOwN, bUT aNOnYMoUs, dAtUK/aCtREsS/hOTEL/wHaTeVeR wHO Is nOT VErY aNOnYmOUs, bUT fOR sOmE aNOnYmOUs rEAsONs, sHaLL rEMaIN aNOnYMOuS...

Kuala Lumpur: 3^rd May

A 45-year-old Datuk was yesterday arrested on suspicion of rape and torture of a young actress. It is learnt that the police had gone to the Datuk’s house in Kenny Hill at 3 am yesterday morning to arrest the Datuk. The Datuk, a well known socialite and also the CEO of two public listed company will today be produced in Court for a remand order, said a police spokesperson under condition of anonymity. The police spokesperson, who wishes to stress that she/he (we are not supposed to reveal his/her sex too!) is speaking under condition of anonymity, further spoke to us that the Datuk was arrested after a police report was lodged against him last Friday by the young actress.

The anonymous spokesperson said that the police report alleges rape and torture by the Datuk of the young actress (whose name we are also not at liberty to disclose) on 5 separate occasions. The incidents of rape and torture took place at a well-known 5 star hotel in the city. The 5 star hotel, which is located along Jalan Sultan Ismail near an LRT station and which also houses a famous international café cum restaurant cum pub, was visited by the police last night. It is believed that the police seized the guest registers and CCTV footages. The police had also gone to the rooms in which the alleged offences took place. Just for he record, Hotel Equatorial is not the hotel involved.

Puteri Shafiqah Shakira binti Mat Arop, a practising lawyer, said that under the law the Datuk will have to be produced in Court within 24 hours of his arrest for the police to obtain a remand order. The Court, according to her, is empowered to allow the Datuk to be remanded by the police for a maximum period of 14 days.

Acting on a tip off from our source, who shall remain anonymous, we were at the Datuk’s house, which is along the main road in Kenny Hill and yellow in colour, yesterday morning after he was arrested. Upon our arrival, we found the huge gold coloured automatic gate closed. The gate was not opened even after we rang the bell incessantly. From outside the gate, we could only see the Datuk’s red Ferrari, orange Lamboghini Murcielago and a grey Porcshe Cayene, all of which bearing registration number 2, parked in the porch. The Datuk’s 2 wives, 4 daughters and a son had refused comment. Attempts to obtain further information from the Datuk’s PA at his office on the floor between the 20^th and 22^nd floor of a 45 storey building along Jalan Pinang, near Ascot Apartments, have also failed.

The young 20-year-old actress, from Kelantan, has now gone into hiding. The actress has so far acted in 3 movies and 8 TV dramas. The movies, all comedies, which are titled “Lawak Bodo 1”, “Lawak Bodo 2” and “Lawak Bodo 3”, have a cultish followings among the Malays, especially those who live in Kelantan. Her first name begins with the letter “A” and ends with the letter “N”. While she portrays a demure kampung girl in the movies, she could always be seen in tight low crotched blue jeans and navel revealing tight top at Zouk most of the nights. It was there that she was rumoured to have met the Datuk 2 months ago. Quite what they were doing in a room together at the 5 star hotel housing a famous international café along Jalan Sultan Ismail which is not Hotel Equatorial, on 5 separate occasions is quite beyond us. The hotel’s general manager, who also spoke on condition of strict anonymity, revealed that no one at the hotel had seen the actress being dragged into the room from the lobby kicking and/or screaming on all the 5 occasions.

In an unrelated case, a bak kut teh seller, Cheong Chan Cheng, was today arrested at Jalan Alor for allegedly raping his one of his daughters, a 17 year old who studies at Sekolah Jenis Kebangsaan Klang Lama. His wife, Jenny Lee Tak Poon, who helps him at their stall in the corner shop lot at Jalan Alor was quoted as saying that she will file for a divorce soon. Her daughter, whose name and identity cannot be revealed under the law, refused comment. Her twin sister, Cherry Cheong Leng Lui, whose picture could be seen at our website, who also studies at the same school, when contacted, also refused comment.