Monday, January 5, 2009

Pontifications of the Penis

A cross section of the penis as we know it

I have a penis so it goes that I'm man. That adores women. And admires men. So it means I'll get on my knees for the former. Not the latter. And for the most part, I enjoy wielding a penis. My penis. Not yours. Or yours. You sick bastard. I admit it's not the 15 incher most guys in their first flush of porn would crave for, but you can bet it's not something to pick your teeth with after you eat. More like a slow melting ice cream that doesn't melt ... kind of thing. 

Actually, I don't like the word 'penis' because it sounds so clinical, so formal, so I need to wear gloves before I use it sorta thang. I like 'cock' better. It sounds dirtier. More sinister. Infinite possibilities abound. And it also rhymes with 'rock' and partially with 'fuck'. The downside is that it also rhymes with 'lock' but who cares. I'll never rhyme cock with lock because it sounds a little offensive, and I just fucking hate sounding like some offensive 15 inch cock wielder. 

Which I'm not because I don't have the number. 15 to be precise. These days I've learned to be happy with what I have. Which means not having 15. That's what experience does to you. Or rather growing old. Sometimes though I can't quite tell the difference where one ends and the other begins or if it even started in the first place. And experience has taught me why I won't be content with 15.

Firstly, the surgery would hurt a lot. What's more, if I grafted a 15 incher, I might just get a massive stroke or heart attack whenever I get a boner, so that's no fun. 'Hey watch it honey, you don't want to turn me on! I might just die on you. But you can ride me after if you're into that.' What's more, if I had a 15 incher, it'll in all probability be black in colour. Like the Macbook out now. If you want a bigger hard drive, we only got them in black honeh! I may be Asian and all but big cocks are black. That's that man. I've never seen a 15 in any other colour. And, and I'd have to be all rapper like, wear big gold chains, swap my teeth for gold ones and get tattooed up. I'm just not into all that. Plus my rapping sucks and I can't play basketball or run really fast. So even if I had 15, it might be wasted on me. 

And the vagina can only fit up to about 6 inches. So what's the point of having a 7 course meal when the diner only wants 3 satisfyingly full courses? Yes, a vagina can stretch much wider to accomodate a child but let's not dismiss comfort and extraordinary circumstances so readily shall we. That niner is not just excess... it's waste. And I abhor waste! Having a 15 incher swaying on a windy day will just conflict with my intense sense of moderation and reduce me to schizophrenia, if not multiple personalities for me and my cock. The latter may have psychological problems pretending to be a stout 8'er when he really is a hefty 15. There are somethings you just cannot fool yourself about. 

A 15'er will never get the whole thing unless he's into horses. Even then, watch out for the kicks, cowboy! And, and, he won't be able to wear shorts in public that end at the thighs cos then the package will be showing. He would have no career in speed sports be it swimming or running because of the drag his cock caused. He cannot be terribly clever because most of the blood is usually swirling around his tower of cock. He would have to take many breaks to read, especially erotic stories. Even if 15 can be considered a super power, he can never have a cool superhero name because all of them will sound funny. Nobody will want him in their superteam and he will end up doing straight to video porno and die a lonely death naked in the tub in some cheap motel after overdosing on a potent mixture of viagra, cialis and cocaine with cheap German porn repeating silently on the television.

I guess it's hard being a 15'er too. 

Poor chaps. 

Spare a kind thought for the 15s yah? They're human too. 

7 comments:

Azer Mantessa said...

am glad u enjoy only yours. was afraid at the end of the posting ... u may wanna say

"behind a great man is a great man"

ewwwwwwwwwww

Ka Ea Lim said...

Is this the new penis, oops! sorry, I mean cock monologue?

I'm trying to read the whole article but the word "cock" kept holding me back. So, I had to reread it several times.

Well, you're quite right. Being a woman, I vow that it's not the size that matters and no, not only black men have 15 inchers. Trust me. ;)

Daef said...

Azer,

If you did you weren't paying too close attention to the opening lines!

Ka Ea,

It is. I'm slowly working on a full blown soliloquy about the cock. If women can have their vagina monologue, men should to! I hope to perform its debut in Malaysia once it is completed.

Thank you for your feedback on my article. I'm glad you re-read the article several times cos you don't want the cock to hold you back.

And please send my regards to the 15'ers you know or are acquainted with. Tell 'em.... Tell 'em, I can empathise in a way I cannot empathise.

art harun said...

Wuahahaha Bro...that's talking cock at its most basic! And truest sense too! Yeahahaha...

Usha said...

Guess what - you got the women's attention all right! And this woman is proud to say she's deliriously happy with her man's 6. Certainly a thought arousing article. Now, where's that 6 ;)
P.S. I totally approve of the word cock. If sound could taste, it would be delicious.

Ti Lian Ker said...

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VersedAnggerik said...

Hehehe...

Funneeeeee!