Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Interview with Tera Patrick

In a rectangular shaped room, cheaply partitioned off with a thin cardboard and brightly lit with four bars of hard white fluorescent light beaming from the ceiling, seemingly lighting every little nook and cranny of the room leaving it naked and bare for all to see, is a table upon which one side sits a stunning pan-Asian model wearing a pair of old fashioned glasses and the other a fat, ugly, scruffy haired Chinese looking-but-not-quite guy. The former is the interviewer, Tera Patrick (TP during the interview). She is dressed in a tight black velvet blouse with a generous view of her bosom, and a painfully short velvet mini-skirt with a pair of white garter belts, rounding off the entire vision with a pair of fine legs ending on a pair of 5 inch chilli red stilettos. What the latter is wearing is off little interest to anyone.

Tera Patrick (TP): Hi Daef! Great to finally meet up with you this evening. Thanks alot for agreeing to do this interview for our publication, Intellectual Tradition.
Daef: Whoa! Tera. You are so gorgeous. I've seen most of your videos. (Wipes drool from mouth)
TP: Thank you Daef, but I'm here not as a world famous pornstar with awesome skills that you would die for me to perform on you but for the new philosophical publication launched by some of the recent Nobel Prize Winners for Science and Economics.
Daef: Uh, I don't know whether...
TP: If you are worried about your lack of suitability for this interview, please don't be alarmed. You are actually our main feature for 'Losers of Asia'. I thought you would be perfrect for it, don't you think?
Daef: Well, I guess. Uh, thanks. Say, you aren't like looking for guys for a shoot or anything?
TP: (fake laugh) That's flattering, Daef, but no. Now, as I have some shoots to wrap up after this, let's finish this interview off quick.
Daef: Shoots? Wow, do you think I ...
TP: No. Now, how do you think globalization has influenced the direction of developments in the field of quantum astro physics specifically in relation to the Heisenberg Principle of Uncertainty?

Daef: Huh? Is that English?
TP: Doesn't know (writes presumably the same thing). Now, what are your thoughts on multidisciplinarism for single skilled workjobs?
Daef: Is that like related to a telescope? These are hard Tera, don't you have anything uh... softer?
TP: Honey, life is all about knowing how to handle hardness. If you can't take these questions, let me find the 'Simple' list of questions.
Daef: (Thinks: 'Bitch! But man she's hot.')
TP: How does it feel to be a loser?
Daef: Well, I never really thought about it. In fact, I didn't know I was one until...
TP: You were always one. Your friends are just too nice to tell you the truth.
Daef: Hey, wait a minute, how did you know about my friends?
TP: You once wrote that, 'All you needed was to love someone'. Was that written before or after you had lost your virginity?
Daef: Uh... Well, I... think I was still a ...
TP: Thanks for the confirmation. Let me give you a tip honey. Only virgins write stuff like that.
Daef: But I'm not any...
TP: Shut up. Your sentimentality digusts me. You probably haven't had enough sex if you're still writing crap like that.
Daef: But I don't publish any of that stuff?! How did you find it?
TP: We have already raided your hard drive and read all your soppy sentimental trash you write. We might even be using one or two of your stories for some films I'm doing in the future. I'll just have to decide how much dialogue to cut out.
Daef: Wow, I've always wanted to write a porn script.
TP: Congrats. But don't get your hopes up. There's not much to it. The actors, the stars, the fluffers, the lighting crew, camera man, bankers, costume designers and site managers are more important than the scriptwriter in porn.
Daef: Isn't that like everybody else?
TP: That's right. Do you see how naturally your life is inclined towards loserhood?


Daef: Well, not ...
TP: That's thoroughly fascinating. You are such a loser that I've decided that you are not even worth completing this interview which really is a cheap excuse to paste up all my pictures in your little blog. I'm not here to be exploited by fat lonely desperate men like you.
Daef: I've lost some wei...
TP: You're still fat! I think we are done for this interview.
TP gets up and strides over to the door. Her suit hugs her body and shows off her dangerous curves.
Daef: Hey, Tera, can I follow you to...
But before he can finish the door has already slammed.
Daef: Wow, I got interviewed by Tera Patrick!

3 comments:

art harun said...

Yeahaha...absolutely loves 'em glasses! :)
Quite a biatch huh, she is?

May said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
May said...

I definitely disagree with your thoughts! :|