Thursday, March 22, 2007

Deskbound Fat Cops

The News Straits Times reported today that fat cops in the Johor police force will be taken off the streets and put behind desks 'until they trim down and improve their fitness levels'. This ingenious idea was the brainchild of none other than the police chief Datuk Hussin Ismail. He drew inspiration from two patrolmen who were overpowered by a suspect who then stole their police car. If those two patrolmen were fat asses, I think what actually happened must have been that that suspect flung some cheap doughnuts on the road which they stopped and got out of the car like the fat clumsy pigeons in the park greedily pecking anything even though they are long full.

And this idea, in all the name of all that is sensible, is a dud. A simple application of common sense would make illustrate this: You do not take fat cops off the street and put them behind cushy desk jobs where they would be on their huge sweaty quivering ass most of the time. You make them work harder. More importantly, that these beat cops are getting fat suggests that they might be eating more than they are patrolling, sitting more than walking, and farting and burping more than arresting.

For those recalcitrant fatties, Datuk Hussin has warned that those who fail the quarterly fitness tests that he has introduced 'will receive counselling and additional fitness training twice a week until they pass muster.' Pass the mustard, more likely, and that is after raiding the all you can eat buffet. I am also wondering what kind of counselling will this fat cop who has failed his quarterly fitness test get? What will they say to aquivering wreck of a nasi lemak chugging machine when he has flunked his test so many times? Will he get a bum rap or a rap on the bum?

That was the stick. And what was the carrot? 'They have come to realise that when they are fit they are more alert both mentally and physically. And as an added bonus, they look good.' That these cops need Datuk Hussin to point out something so blindly obvious also indicates that the fatness might not just be emblazoned on their guts but is in their heads as well. Though physical fitness is important for a cop, especially those tasked to apprehend criminals, I would like to see more emphasis on development of their mental acumen, stamina and fitness. A fit body is only half (I would say quarter) of the job done and it is the easier task. Shaping those flabby minds - that's the challenge. And it's going to need the mother of all sticks but I wouldn't use too many carrots. One, at most, two should be enough. After all, they've had enough to eat already.


art harun said...

2 fat cops...overpowered by suspects...lost their patrol car to the suspects!'s funnier than hugh hefner trying to bed his playmates during pre viagra days!

the Anomaly said...

I see this is an anti-fat people (who burp & fart) week.I just had a heavy lunch (no doughnuts) and am feeling guilty after reading this.

Can these recalcitrant fatties with the sweaty quivering ass make a cameo appearance in my Chapati Moments for a menage a trois Club Sandwich moment with Sosya, handcuffs et al??

art harun said...

sorry...tough one this one...the police, fat or otherwise, do not know what a menage a trois is...even if they make an appearance, one would appear with a digi-cam for sure...just so you for the handcuffs, well, I think they prefer golf balls over here!