Whoever started the idea of reality TV should, in my world, be blindfolded, cuffed, led to the basement, shot and chopped to pieces! The truth is, all of them are not real. I mean who would watch a real reality TV show right? Imagine American Idol being full of REAL Americans. You know, the short fat slobs that they are and all the rednecks from Texas trying to sing Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana” while shaking their fat arse in their torn denim. Who would want to watch that? Stevie Wonder? And so American Idol is full of well manicured and groomed young men who look like a cross between Simon Le Bon (of 30 years ago) and Boy George (also of 30 years ago). And the women have legs running way up to their shoulders passing their well endowed and obviously enhanced breasts and a very exquisitely pierced navel. Never mind the singing. What matters is their appearance and of course, their moves. Hell yeah…they could move I tell ya! And whose is the brain behind the decision to make Paula Abdul one of the judges? I mean, Paula Abdul judging what appears to be a singing contest? Condoleeza Rice would make a better choice I think.
Even the supposedly boring act of looking for an apprentice is a reality TV act nowadays. Donald Trump is looking for an apprentice. Donald Trump wants some publicity and money (as if whatever he has is not yet enough). Donald Trump needs to pay for his daughter’s boob jobs. So, Donald Trump has a reality TV show. Reality TV? Naah…it pushes the redefinition of “reality” to a new boundary! Erm…why are the women in The Apprentice so yummy looking? Is there no ugly or un-presentable lady American who is brainy nowadays? Must all blondes be intelligent nowadays? Hey…this is unfair! And why are all the men in The Apprentice look so good they make Hans Isaac insecure? And oh ya, they are immaculately dressed and attired too. Where are the fat ones? And the ones who look like Bill Gates? Hello?
Than we have Fear Factor. Hahah…more like Yucky Factor to me. I mean, grown ups eating worms and swallowing cow dung. That’s not confronting fears. That is proof that human beings, particularly American, would do anything and go to whatever extent to make some money and be famous in the process. And of course, all of them, the participants, are good looking men and women. Hallo, the ugly ones don’t have any fear ah?
And of course, reality TV has caught up in Malaysia. The mother of all reality TV shows in Malaysia is of course Akademi Fantasia. Yes, the ASTRO show which unearths talent-less, tone deaf and clueless but good looking young Malaysians and turn them into iconic money machines. I mean, where the hell do they find all these kids? Oh my God! My daughter’s pet frog could sing better than all of them combined.
Yes, I have made my point. I hate reality TV shows. The only relevant reality TV show to me is a show in which all our cabinet ministers take part. They will be given a task each week to complete and the public can judge them via sms. To make the show a bit colourful, we will have judges as well. Hmm…Lim Kit Siang and Karpal Singh would make nice judges. Just to lend some more credence to the judging process, we could also have Tun Dr Mahathir as a judge. The definite twist to this show is that the public get to judge even the judges! The ministers could be asked to complete the following tasks:
- to build good presentable toilet which costs less than RM400000;
- to come up with a nice merry go round which costs less than RM30 million a year;
- to build a good and modern hospital in less than 6 years;
- to come up with just ONE good reason on why highway concessionaires should be compensated by the government when they are making profits in the hundred of millions annually;
- to learn good manners and proper way of answering questions by the people without being defensive;
- to learn what collective responsibilities is all about and stop blaming each other when inter ministerial problems crop up.
I promise that I would be the first to send in my sms.